My partner works sometimes 6 days a week, leaving at 5am and not walking in the door until 6pm (except Saturdays, he finishes at lunch time).
He's generally in bed around 8pm, so we don't even get time alone at night.
I know this is very common with labour jobs.
But I feel like I barely ever see him.
On Sundays he goes to golf with his mates, and doesn't get home until lunch time.
Is it too much to ask that he spend one day at least with me and the kids?
I know he needs his friends and free time, but I'm feeling like I'm not a priority in his life.
Yes I know he works hard and provides for us, but I want to spend time with him too.
We very rarely go away alone, together.
I'm feeling very lonely in this relationship, but I don't know if I'm just being selfish.
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23 Replies
can you increase your income so he can get a job with less hours?
Hahaha. Always one. How about people put their kids first? Can't be an income issue if he's playing golf every Sunday lol.
i agree he shouldn't be playing golf on his day off, but also think it's worth trying to take the pressure off so he can work less hours and see if he is still an a@@ hole. golf is the worst though, ever heard the term golf widow? they get so obsessed with it, need to reign it in :)
It's just the nature of the job I think, that's the hours that are expected of him.
His bosses even get annoyed at workers who don't want to work Saturdays at all
Totally fair comment. I work full-time, love my husband but have regular things I do weekly with my friends or that are my hobby and so does he. We aren't sitting around at home waiting for the other person so our time together is meaningful rather than 'not enough '. If the OP had other things taking her time as well this might not seem as big of a deal. It is a fair suggestion and has nothing to do with the kids. Lots of very loving, happy, successful families have 2 working parents
It has everything to do with the kids, he chooses golf over them every week, on his only day off. Op doesn't sound like some bored housewife demanding attention every day, shes asking for a day a week. She probably wouldn't mind if he went every third or fourth week and showed he values his family too.
Not selfish at all. I'm in similar situation but he's not golfing on his day off, he's working every day with a full time job and a business with his brother. I've had enough of just sitting around like a house sitter, I don't feel like I'm in a relationship it feels like my job is to be here. I work but I also have to do EVERYTHING inside and outside the home. I told him yesterday that if he needs to have every second weekend at home to get jobs done etc or I'm moving to another town where I'm actually happy. Enough about me though, yes definitely that is wrong. Men that use work as an excuse to use their only day off to spend with friends instead of their families are useless and need to be put back in the decade they came from! Definitely not this one. Imagine you doing that if you worked 6 days a week and instead of wanting to spend the day with your kids that you hardly see, you're going to see your mates for the entire day!? I couldn't even imagine it. They see him more than your kids do! That's not right or fair! You're doing everything yourself anyway you may as well end it with him.
Everyone tells me he needs his 'me time' because he works so hard and so much.
MIL in particular told me not to interfere with his golf because he 'needs' it, when I confided in her that I never see him.
I think it’s important for everyone to have some ‘me’ time. You need yours too. Sunday afternoon could be family time. Make some date nights for Saturdays where he doesn’t have pressure of work the next morning. It’s such a balance when kids are little.
My ex sees my son ONE day a week (he doesn't stay over) and ex lives with his new family.
His partner tried to tell me when he calls and says "he's too busy this week", he literally says that, i kid you not, that he works 6 days a week and deserves a break with his friends.
My son is great company, a great person,16 years old, no behavioural issues lol
Why not take him along?
I work 5 to 6 days a week from home, I have never called my ex to stay I'm too busy to parent today lol and having a break for me is spending time with my gorgeous, amazing son.
These guys are absolute losers, but they're the ones missing out.
My son has started to have little interest in going there, when you treat your kids like an option, they treat you the same.
The funny thing is, my family want to spend time with him, he's a teen, it's hard to get them to want to do stuff with you, so they feel so lucky to spend time with him.
Time for your husband to make some changes and reassess priorities in the home or leave, good luck.
I'm almost tempted to leave because I feel like I'm practically single anyway.
This situation is NOT what I envisioned a relationship to look like at all, and I'm tired of just settling for this.
I actually feel like a friend with benefits, I'm constantly asking him if he actually loves me, because he doesn't prioritise time with me and the kids at all.
Work, hobbies and friends.
Then us.
the fact is, he does what is important to him, work or no work.
you know where you and the kids sit in line with his priorities, so what are you going to do about it?
when someone loves you, you don't have to beg for their time or question their love for you.
i'm so glad my ex left me years ago, was devastated at the time though, because it means my son hasn't lived 24/7 with a disinterested father and he has the bulk of his time with a loving mother and grandparents that adore him.
i know we can't replace a father that is not very loving/caring/interested, but we've done a great job of ensuring he knows how loved he is and hopefully minimised the damage.
if only i knew back then what kind of a father he would be, but hey, you live and learn.
don't stay where you aren't wanted and cherished, it will kill your self-esteem.
He takes a few hours on a Sunday morning for a passion that also keeps him healthy. It's pretty rough implying that means he doesn't care about his wife and kids!
I guess everyone's threshold is different, some people are happy with 1/2 a day a week, some even less.
I'm the type of person that cherishes family time and romantic intimate time with a partner, so this would not work for me.
I very much value that whole family bonding and physical/emotional closeness with a partner.
I mean when do they even have sex/talk about their day?
By the time she probably cleans the kitchen/puts kids to bed, he's already in bed.
No wonder she feels lonely.
Yeah, but he's tired because he gets up early. I value all that too. But I also value my husband sleeping when he's exhausted so that his mental health is good, he drives safely, doesn't make a deadly mistake at work, isn't getting sick etc. I clean the kitchen when he goes to bed and I do other stuff in the morning after he's left for work but before I am getting the kids and myself ready for school and work. It's not fair to resent someone for that.
I wouldn't resent him for going to bed early, I would resent him for not wanting to make up for lost time on the weekend. I would want him to WANT to spend time with me and the kids. Maybe he could golf once a month,? Some women, as I said, don't give a crap about quality time with their man, but most of us do. You're obviously happy with half a day a week family/partner time, this woman isn't, her needs aren't being met and they need to find a compromise that suits both. Don't make someone feel wrong for wanting to spend quality family time with their partner, this is why people break up, because they get busy, don't invest in the relationship and start taking each other for granted. A lot of people aren't happy being ships that pass
through the night and merely sharing a house with someone, they want a close, supportive, loving relationship. They aren't flat mates, they are husband and wife.
The fact she feels the need to ask him if he loves her showd how neglected she is in this relationship. Nothing worse than feeling lonely in a marriage. Are you reading what I'm reading? Can you not see the ops heartache, she feels unwanted and ready to walk away. There is a massive disconnect here. What do you suggest, she swallow her own needs whilst he is happy and has all his met?
No. Change her view and make the most of the time they have. Sounds like he spends about 3 hours away from the family for himself and the rest is either for or with them. If the perspective changes, the whole way she feels will too.
You are heartless, that's why you can't see the issue that op has with this situation, because you would be perfectly fine with it.
You clearly don't love nor have a need to be loved, by your partner.
You also have a very closed mind, completely devoid of empathy.
Unfortunately, op isn't cold hearted like you, she actually loves her husband/family and wants quality time.
You and op's husband would make a good couple.
Different commenter... But 1 lady is suggesting finding happiness in what is available and you are attacking with nastiness.
OP.. talk to your husband. Perhaps there is a middle ground?
That's your opinion, I think its nasty to gaslight the op into thinking shes being unreasonable and should be happy with the status quo.
It's not selfish to want to spend quality time with your husband. Compromise and conversation is what is needed here. How often does he work the Sat? Can he golf every second week? Talk to him. Your wants and needs are just as valid as his and if he values that, he will understand and be willing to discuss what to do going forward.
It's not selfish to want to spend quality time with your husband. Compromise and conversation is what is needed here. How often does he work the Sat? Can he golf every second week? Talk to him. Your wants and needs are just as valid as his and if he values that, he will understand and be willing to discuss what to do going forward.