I'll try and make this short and without sounding completely selfish. Married for 12 years with 4 kids. My husband has always been very emotional (paranoid, very low self-esteem, negative, cynical) and I have always been the opposite, but we've slowly figured each other out and it's no longer as big of an issue in our relationship as it was in the start. It's taken THOUSANDS of conversations to get to this point where he feels more secure and I am more open. He has always struggled with mental health but the last 12 months it has gone completely downhill. There are a few factors at play but I wouldn't say anything major to cause such debilitating depression. He's very aware of it and we talk about it every day but refuses to acknowledge that he needs help. He says he'll just 'work through it eventually'. I am SO exhausted from always being on edge, and I just can't understand why he would willingly choose to live like this when it could be as simple as a trip to the GP and trying some meds (I understand that is not always a simple cure, but try SOMETHING! He definitely will not go to a psych). I am trying my absolute hardest to be understanding, supportive and patient but I'm also worried that this is what the rest of my life is going to be and scared of how I'll cope if he gets worse. I really do struggle to understand what he is feeling because I am very unfazed by things, always find the good side of people and situations and just generally find allot of joy in everyday little things in life so I just can't relate. He is missing out on enjoying his kids and I just don't know how to make him accept getting help. I'll never leave him because I love him with all my heart and he has allot of beautiful qualities, but I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind!
How do I help my husband seek mental health support.
How do I help my husband seek mental health support.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
2 Replies
My husband went through a difficult time a couple of years ago with his moods. I wrote out a list of all of the numbers of people that could help him eg gp, beyondblue, mensline Australia.. I then found a time when we were both calm and there were no kids around or any other distractions. I basically sat down and told him that I was really worried about him, that he was being negative and it was affecting his family and that I needed him to do something about it. I gave him the list and asked him to contact someone and start getting help because I couldn’t handle it anymore and it wasn’t fair on me or the kids. It was a difficult discussion but he got the help and went on medication. I didn’t tell him at the time but I would have left if he didn’t. Not for me but for the kids
My children and I lived on eggshells for years while my ex husband went through depression.
He had access to medication, psychologists, marriage counselling,
expensive weight loss treatments and an expensive hobby that young kids could not participate in...anything he wanted or asked for to make himself feel better.
After years I called it quits.
Turns out it was the kids and I that he didn't want anymore.
He is on his fourth 'serious' relationship, never sees the kids and I can breathe again.
I will never live on eggshells for another person's bad moods ever again.