My partner and I had a big fight and he’s blocked me.
Bit of backstory, we don’t live together, but we see each other at least a few times a week, staying at each others houses. Relationship been great most of the time, especially as he’s had a traumatic upbringing and I’ve seen the horrible way he and his mother interact when angry with one another (screaming and swearing on both sides especially her, she even said he hopes he rolls his car and ends up dead, this was in front of me) and they block each other.
He’s never been anything else but sweet and gentle with me. Until the other day when he was drinking. He usually doesn’t drink, he smokes weed.
I’d noticed him on Snapchat and texted him “nice to see you on Snapchat” and he got upset and sent me a voice message yelling at me saying not everyone thinks about cock and getting laid 24/7 and that he was at his dealers (that’s exactly where the snap map said he was). He called me some nasty names and swore at me like he does to his mother, and I got really angry in return saying “yeah you’d know about ugly sluts, just look at your baby mumma” and he went and blocked me. Now I know he’s definitely not seeing her or anything she’s actually with someone else and only talks to my partner in regard to child visits.
I’ve never experienced this with him before, and it’s thrown me for 6. I’m beyond devastated that not only was he rude to me when he was drunk but that he blocked me yesterday and I don’t know what to do here!
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
7 Replies
This all sounds toxic... Both sides. My only question is whether the child looks like the parent that you diminished?
Not in the slightest. The child looks like his father and the nothing at all like the mother.
Yes this was definitely a toxic interaction. We don’t normally engage with each other in this fashion.
What gets me is, he actually left this woman for cheating on him with multiple men over the course of their relationship, and I’ve never cheated on him and have never shown him anything but love and support.
If a silly remark about being on snapchat is enough to set off this tirade, what you need to do is reassess whether it's a smart choice to remain in a relationship with this man.
As someone who had the misfortune of growing up around a lot of people with weed and alcohol dependencies, I recognise this type of outburst. What's happened here is that you've caught him while he was in a highly agitated state and why was he in a highly agitated state? Because he was out of drugs, hence being at the dealers house...
And I'll also say, if my experience has taught me anything, this level of agitation can quickly escalate into violence.
Your relationship will be nothing but a series of these type of events because:
A. He has no emotional regulation/coping skills.
B. He has a shit load of unresolved trauma.
C. He doesn't know how to resolve conflict in a healthy and respectful way.
D. He has a substance abuse problem.
He may very well have been nothing but sweet up until this point but that alone isn't enough, it also doesn't excuse this absolute ugliness.
You need to set the bar higher for yourself and in all honesty, you probably have some self reflection to do as well.
Oh for god sake!
You are as toxic as him. Leave each other alone!
What a hideous thing to say to someone. In this scenario you can only control your own behaviour- and it was below the belt.
He needs to work on himself. Until he does this is who he is in a fight. It is not acceptable. No ifs, buts - leave him single. But also work on your own retaliatory comments!
Gawd girl, just look at you saying he's at his dealers like its a normal thing to do. As someone who was with a meth addict for 14 yrs, get out now before 14 years goes by with you too. This is so toxic that it's not going to end well. It'll get so much worse. Trust me.
the honeymoon phase is over, you're now in the inner circle, along with his mum, and get the real him.
the relationship he has with his mum is what you're going to get, he thinks that's okay, he's grown up with it.
its up to you now to either walk away or accept this kind of treatment.
the fact he's at his drug dealers house and that is fine with you makes me think you're going to accept it.
you should want better for yourself, raise the bar, this guys a loser.
also, speaking about another woman like that, using that kind of language shows an ugly side to your personality. she didn't even have a role in your fight, there was no need for it.
change your own behaviour and you'll attract a better class of man, not these toxic druggie guys.