Toxic Mum

I wrote in a while ago about my Mum who'd got a new boyfriend whom she moved real quickly with. Where I had to put the boundary in place and keep my daughter home because I wasn't comfortable with my daughter there whilst I still didn't really know the boyfriend well.

See previous post here: Questions: Insight/opinions on this issue with my mother

Firstly, I wanted to thank everyone who responded in the facebook comments. I have found myself reading them regularly, especially when I feel like I've possibly done the wrong. And it's really reassuring. So thank you so much.

Secondly I am writing in again. I guess just because I feel a little lost. Since my last post, I've found out that she is still seeing the boyfriend. She'd initially made me feel as though it was my fault they broke up. And I've had conformation that she's smoking pot again, which was something I'd considered as she'd randomly started dropping A LOT of weight really quickly. (calulating the signs, about 6 months ago, which was 3-4 months before she met boyfriend). So I also feel really relieved that my daughter isn't there any more 1 day per week, because I just don't feel comfortable with that. Especially having grown up around it myself, and my mother being sober for over a decade until recently.

I guess the spot I feel conflicted in is... She messaged me once since my "blow up" with a really poor excuse of an apology, it was mainly to ask me what she could get my daughter for Christmas. But I used to opportunity to get some things off my chest, ask her if she knew she was crossing a boundary (to which she denied, saying I gave her no reason to think it was a boundary) but when I probed her on the fact she'd said "she had been trying to protect my feelings the whole time... And if I gave her no reason to question that I had a boundary, then what feelings of mine was she protecting.

And she left me on read. She has not made an effort to reply since. Or make any contact with me whatsoever, and that's almost a month ago now. (I've made no effort either considering I'd asked her questions and she left me on read).

She told my sister-in-law she can't be bothered because apparently I've always had to have the last word (remember, coming from a child who never spoke up to my mother, never had a voice and always just coped her verbal abuse).

I've literally gone through all the emotions this past month. Numb, anger, rage and then a week on utter sadness because it feels like my whole adult friendship with her has been a lie. And the fact she can discard things so easily really hurts. Amnd I feel that the longer she leaves it, the less I am likely to ever forgive her. And I really don't see how things could ever be repaired at this point. Its gone way too far.

I will probably look into therapy in the new year when things settle down, to address my childhood trauma but also the breakdown of this relationship.

Anyway, I guess I'd just love more reassuring guidance that I'm doing the right thing and that I will be okay. And that I'm not in the wrong, and if I am - please tell me how I could have maybe done things differently.