What would you do?
Married for 23 years,
He’s told me he has a sexual addiction. Told me that for the last 10 years he’s been addicted to porn and servicing himself every day and then he also tells me he has been fantasizing about me and my 2 sisters having threesoms and has been pleasuring himself over it constantly. He also tells me he’s attracted to one of my sisters and wants to be with her because she’s single and would get more sex from her. He told me he’s been texting her and complementing her things like how good she looks, and if she’s going away on a trip he texts her saying that he hopes she has a great time away etc. nothing is reciprocated from her in any way. This is one sided from him.
He says he has got help over the addiction but I just can’t shake it.
I gave him, or at least I thought I did, everything in that department that he needed/wanted. I was never enough.
Even just last week he was working from home in his office setup (door closed) and I went in to do something and he’s on a video call with a female colleague from interstate (a state he goes to several times a year for work meetings). I asked him later who that was and he told me, but also mentioned he wanted to catch up with her because he hasn’t talked to her for quite a while. I asked him did he have work related things he wanted to talk to her about and he said no he just wanted to talk to her because they haven’t caught up lately. Massive red flags going off in my head.
I just cannot move past it all. He’s upset at me because I won’t just forgive and move on. It has been a while since he told me but I just cannot get over it. I admit I find it hard to forgive people. He agrees he’s had an emotional affair.
I feel so depressed and low. My 3 kids for sure know something is up.
We can never agree on anything and we fight about everything.
Do you stay together for the kids? I don’t want to break their world apart. They are such happy kids and have so much going for them.
6 Replies
Your kids can still have so much going for them (even more) when their mum is single and happy too - he has no respect for you, time to walk
The sister thing alone, I would runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
Your husband told you that he wants to Fck your sister and he even sends her innocent texts, but you know what is on his mind, let that sink in.
Sending those texts is actually sick and predatory of him, I would never leave him alone with her, for her own safety.
Your husband is a massive creep, that gets off on incestual relationships, with people who are his family.
No-one in their RIGHT mind with any ounce of self-esteem would be okay with this.
YUK, REVOLTING, how do you sit at family BBQs with him?
I would be out of there and would never let him touch me again.
You know he probably sleeps around right?
I would also be getting an STI check asap.
It is extremely hard to be at family occasions. She has no idea what has been going on and I constantly think he’s thinking of her and looking at her when we’re at gatherings. I have no blame for her, I 100% know she has nothing to do with any of what he’s feeling. I am so depressed and anxious about everything!!
just get rid of the creep, what happens if he starts crushing on your nieces?
this is just the tip of the iceberg.
i guarantee he gives your sister the ick when he texts her that she looks good, unless she's a narcissist.
i bet your sister is afraid to say anything to you too but i bet she picks up on his creepy vibe.
get it all out in the open, tell your sisters, leave him, stop living with all this ick, no wonder you are anxious.
you've got this lovely lady x
Well. It is really hard to give advice. From a man's perspective, for me, I would appreciate total openness. Exactly explain how you feel about you, about the worry you have for you, kids and also him, the effect it has and end with asking the question if he is willing to work on it together. You need to be totally clear to him, specifically if you are out of options. Stay as calm and loving as possible, ask questions (lead by asking), and get to a mutual official agreement. Do not work with ultimatums, work with love for yourself and other in mind. Pick a date for an in depths talk together, agree to think about it in depth before. If it does not work out the next step could be a therapist together. Don't wait to long with steps, follow up together. Only works with a compassionate heart.