I have been seeing someone for a couple of months and it’s going beautifully and getting serious. However, I’ve never introduced my 3 teen/adult children to anyone else before, this is my first relationship since my marriage ended 3 years ago. The issue I have is there is rarely a time when I have the house to myself, it’s almost impossible to spend quality time together without the kids (and friends/girlfriends) coming and going at all hours, different work/uni schedules, changed plans and “popping home” unexpectedly. There have been one or two close calls and I’m now at a stage where there needs to be a conversation around privacy without them feeling uncomfortable in their own home. But it’s my house, I pay all the bills, and I’ve found someone who makes me happy.
How have other people navigated this? I don’t want to always be spending time at restaurants and cafes, it’s expensive and I just want the occasional evening where he can come over for dinner and maybe stay the night. Ladies, help me out, if you know, you know right?
3 Replies
what about his place?
no reason why he can't become a part of your household, coming for dinner, staying over etc. it's no different to when you had a husband.
just bring him in slowly, don't have him there all the time from the start, it's only been a few months.
also, don't resent your kids, they're doing what they have always done, they aren't aware things have changed.
once you start bringing him around, i'm sure they will change the way they are and maybe you'll have to drop a few hints along the way.
mum's house is the family house, you don't want to lose that either, just need to make some tweaks lol
you can watch tv/cuddle up in your room, i'm sure if they know he's there., they won't barge in lol
i'm sure it will evolve as it goes, no need to sneak him in or wait until no-ones home.
If they're older can't you just tell them? Invite him over so that they can meet him (and have him go home for a while)?
I’ve not been a parent in this situation but I have had the experience of my parents going through separation and dating.
I would have simply appreciated transparency.
Like, just honesty - “Hey, I’m seeing someone I really like. It’s my plan to start inviting them around for dinner or to stay the night now and again. It’d be nice if we could all meet for coffee before hand to make some introductions”.
And then just some form of communication when he’s coming over. There’s nothing quite like coming home after a long day of uni or work to find your mums love interest on your couch or slobbing down to the kitchen in the morning to see him sipping his coffee without any kind of pre warning 😂