Hi ladies! Need some help here. My husband has caught me lying about money and it’s not good. It’s not the first time I’ve done it but it’s never been this bad. He has always left me to organise our family budgets and bills etc. I have always managed it so we can have all the nice things but it’s always been through transferring here and there and if I know we have something big coming up I will use the credit card for food shopping so we can afford a lunch out. I get extra money from the government but I’ve never told him this. I’ve used things like Klarna and Afterpay even though I know he doesn’t like it. I’ve also always downplayed how much our kids sport fees and stuff are (we have 5 kids aged 3-14). Anyway I want to know how I can fix it. I worry this may lead to a divorce or separation and I really don’t want that!! Please let me know if your partner has done this to you and how they won back your trust. Thank you!
3 Replies
There's fault on both sides here. You shouldn't have lied, but your husband should have been involved & helped manage finances. He allowed you to do whatever you needed to, to maintain lifestyle, and he does have some accountability if he hasn't participated.
I'd be laying it all on the table and asking for help. Maybe - as much as I hate to say it - read barefoot investor together & put a plan in place. One you both are on the same page, and become accountabie, it could be a positive.
I don't think it ever works well with just one person aware of your finances. I stupidly left ours to DH (I did other jobs). I eventually realised we were going nowhere as DH pretty much ignored the finances & put all bills on DD. I was rea5angry, but had to take part blame as I hadn't been keeping an eye on it. I took over & we're steaming ahead. DH still shows disinterest in the finances, but I make sure he knows what's going on.
I manage my husband and my finances. If I blew it all through irresponsible spending and lies it would absolutely NOT be his fault. You can't blame someone for trusting there spouse when that trust is broken.
Also, the IP was lying to her husband. So he thought he was involved in the financial decision making as they were obviously discussing finances. He just didn't feel the need to check that he was being told the truth it would appear
I am so tired of this forum not allowing different views! Its just attack!! Attack!!
If you bothered to read my post, I never said it was his fault. I said he has 'some' accountability for not being involved in his own finances. OP lied, should take responsibility, but money is difficult & people don't want to admit they're drowning. If you aren't across your own finances, hence, you take some responsibility.
My DH is the same as OP's. I discuss finances with him, but he doesn't bother logging into into banking to check, ever (apps are on his phone) & when I push says he 'knows I'm all over it so doesn't bother'. If I talk about what needs changing or buying he makes a few comments that usually don't work because he's no idea what we have, or where it goes, then wanders off. Yes, I'm good at managing it, but it's exhausting to keep on top of everything we have going on. It'd only take one slip & we'd be in trouble.
My comments, anyway, were to provide a positive solution. See if they can work together & learn to manage money.
Rrspod if you like, I won't be back. I'm done here.