This is a bit of a vent about child care and children on the NDIS.
My son was put on the NDIS at 2 for early intervention. He had speech delay, behaviour problems (usually around his lack of speech to voice his needs/wants), poor sleep and a very restructed diet. He is now 5. He has been travelling quite well and making huge gains in all areas up until about 5 months ago. His behaviour significantly regressed. He sometimes lashes out at other children at daycare when he becomes dysregulated. We put in heaps of plans with daycare made with his therapists (speech, OT and psych) to help staff pick up when he is becoming dysregulated before he flips his lid. However they often miss his cues.
He recently started at a new preschool, which we supplied the therapists plans of action to. He was there for a day and a half and they terminated his enrolment. He had lashed out at a few other children. Given this was a completely new environment with new educators and new children, he had no time to settle in. I offered to do a slower approach to integrate into the preschool, starting with a few hours and build up to a full day. This could help staff and other children build connections, so my son doesn't feel so overwhelmed in a new environment. His actions to me speak that he was not feeling safe or supported and his way of communicating that was through his behaviour. The preschool were not interested in trying the slower approach or working with his therapists on a plan to get him integrated.
I don't want other children to be hurt by my son, which is why we are working so hard with his therapy sessions to help his with social and emotional communication.
Are other parents also struggling with this discrimination, where children on the NDIS are just put into the 'too hard' basket? There are massive wait lists in our area, so his place was probably immediately filled by the pre-school with an 'easier' to manage child. We also can not find another place for enrolment and both parents work full time.
Where are children with behaviour disturbances meant to go? Why are they not being supported to stay in care?
We are now having to look at hiring an Au Pair or Nanny to care for him. This will be a huge cost to our family and then my son misses out on the opportunity to build social and emotional communication skills with his peers.
We have two other children, which we have had no issues with as far as development or behaviour. So I do know that my son is being treated very differently.
Why can't the daycare/preschool see the child that is really struggling and trying their best? Instead they see the behaviour and categorise children into the 'naughty' or 'too hard' basket.
To all the other Mums that have experienced this discrimination, I want to let you know that I agree, this is not fair. I wish I could give you all a hug, because I need that hug too. To know that there are others out there that understand just how hard this journey is as a parent when you have a child that doesn't fit the mould.
3 Replies
Childcare workers only have certificates, you're asking the equivalent of a nurse to do neurosurgery. Even teachers with degrees don't have the time or knowledge to deal with your sons behavior. It's sad, but a fact of life. Can you stay home, get Centrelink payments and put all your efforts into getting him school ready? You're going to have more of the same at school if you can't get the worst sorted. Teachers, as you know, have huge class sizes these days and everything is so scheduled and curriculum focused, that they don't have the time to support your son 24/7 in the classroom. Also be careful how you talk around your child, some kids these days misbehave at school and then when disciplined tell the teacher, but you aren't supporting my needs.
Also, allied health workers (your therapists) have VERY unrealistic plans in the school system for teachers, almost expecting the child to receive 1 on 1 care, through their plans. Unfortunately, the world isn't set up for your child, so you need to do everything to help them navigate it. Others kids are also hugely affected when your child hurts them or disrupts learning. I would use the rest of the preschool years you have, exposing your child to different environments, implementing therapies and setting them up for success in the school system. Now is the time. I'm a single mum, live on one income, it is possible, even if you have to move, reevaluate your life, it will be totally worth it.
If you insist on sending him to a new daycare, you need to be totally hands on, take a month off work.work with him, gradually reduce the time you're there with him etc. I'm not sure if they allow it, but that's the only way you can probably integrate him, I don't know his level of functioning though. He is 5, what about a proper registered kindergarten program with professionals. Why daycare? He of all kids needs that for school readiness.
You’re expecting a lot from the centres. The fact of the matter is their ratio’s don’t allow them to oversee your son one on one to avoid him erupting.
Your Allied health team are also likely to have unrealistic expectations on teachers and centres as they themselves have not worked in the environment.
I feel for you. And I assure you centres will try to accomodate as best as they can.
You see his enrolment being cancelled as discrimination, but it could be they are just not equipped to manage your son’s needs, not all services will be.
You’re expecting the world to bend to him, that is unrealistic and also a little entitled. Keep working with his therapists, keep exposing him to social situations. You are an important part of his success. You do need to see this from all sides though.