Hi Mums
Abit of a long post as it has a few parts to it that somehow all add up to my one glorious(well not really) story. I am a Mum of two. I'm 30, and have a history of depression. It was brought about by post natal depression after the birth of my first child. I overcame my depression and worked on being present for my child. After the birth of my second child, I experienced post natal depression again and didn't have much support. My family told me to 'snap out of it' and didn't know how to help me. I overcame it slowly the second time round. I found it very hard to juggle the task of having two kids close in age. I also struggled with being a stay-at home mum as I had a very successful start to my career prior to having kids. Anyway fast forward a few years and I am back in the work force and have been for a couple of years now. The problem is that I have so many things to do. The housework seems never ending and my husband is not around to help me most evenings. He works very long and late hours, which sometimes I think is a choice. It leaves me stressed and wanting to pull my hair out. My kids don't go to bed early enough because I'm rushing to cook dinner and bath them after a long day at the office. I finally flop into bed well after midnight most nights after cleaning and catching up on my own work. Then it's school drop offs in the morning which I do alone. Basically I don't enjoy motherhood the way that I should and I don't spend the time with my kids that I would like to. I need some practical advice on what to do to enjoy my children and my life. Right now I am not enjoying any of it and don't know what to do to relax and enjoy my family. My oldest has started to display signs of anxiety especially in social situations and it makes me even more anxious. Please help with any useful and non judgmental advice please:
2 Replies
A couple of things come to mind.
Get yourself a slow cooker (load it up the night before) or cook meals that can be made double of so you can reheat meals rather than cooking every night. That way you can get the kids in bed earlier and break the cycle of over tiredness.
Get yourself a cleaner once a fortnight or even once a week. That way your just responsible for the tidy up. Get one of those robot vacuums that way the floors will be done while your at work.
Make sure the kids are doing what they can eg putting own plates in dishwasher, putting dirty clothes in hamper, hanging up wet towels etc. if you teach them to do as they go it gets much easier.
Yes slow cooker... And your freezer is your friend!! Cook extra because left overs are awesome! Can you afford a cleaner once a fortnight? Get the kids to help with chores. Do them together so they are done quicker and there's more time to spend together. Have them read to you while you pack the dishwasher or fold laundry. I try not to have the tv on so then there is more conversation and also I am more motivated without it. Try putting on your favourite album while you cook dinner (always puts me in a good frame of mind) and make meals that the kids can help with like pizzas where they as their own toppings.
It must be very hard without a good support system around you. I also think it's a generational thing for our parents to say 'snap out of it'. My mum just 'doesn't get depression'. You can still ask them for help... Not with the depressed part, but maybe with minding the kids if they're near by. It feels crap that you actually have to ask them I know, but it will make life so much easier. Our in-laws have all the grandkids over for dinner one night a week and it's great (we all kinda forced it upon them... But they get to see all the kids so all good right?!)
Juggling two kids is really hard on its own without all of the other things that life throws at us. Your doing a great job! Sorry for the essay haha