Please, please, please help! I'm 99% positive that I am pregnant. I haven't been to the doctor as yet but all the signs are there that I had when I was pregnant first time round and I've done a pregnancy test which came back positive (one line was faint but was there). This is an unplanned pregnancy and has shocked both hubby and I and we're both stressed about it. I am FREAKING! I have struggled big time with our first and was diagnosed with stress, anxiety and depression and I also believe I had PND too. I'm still struggling and have only booked back in to see someone to get further help to get through it. I know hubby wants a second child and this was one of the reasons I saw my doctor again as I know I have to get better so I can give him that second child but not now! We had plans to buy a bigger home, pay off some debts, travel and I've just started a new job. I am devastated and angry that I am pregnant as it's just not the right time, I feel as though I'm already slipping back into my dark days of past and that scares the crap out of me. Please don't judge me. I know many women who would do anything to have a baby but I just don't think I can do it. Our first has suffered from me being in a dark area and I don't want to bring another child into this world and do the same, its not fair! I want that instant connection of being mum and that becoming a mum is the best thing that's ever happened to me but I didn't have that the first time round and even now I sometimes wish I never became a mum. I need to get better first. So are there any other IM's out there that have been in a similar situation and have considered or gone through with terminating a pregnancy? I haven't spoken to hubby about this thought yet as he wants to make sure I'm 100% positive. But I know in my heart that I am.
Considering termination :-(
Considering termination :-(
Posted in:
Mental Health, Post Natal Depression, Anxiety & Depression, Pregnancy
8 Replies
From reading your post it sounds like you are stressing about things that haven't happened yet. I had a breeze my first pregnancy and was excited to get pregnant the second time but have found the second one to be not as pleasant, you never know you may enjoy it this time around and be nothing like your first, every pregnancy is different, I personally don't believe in terminating a pregnancy because of wrong timing as how will you feel if you ever get pregnant again would you be ok with having terminated because it was the wrong time? That job will still be there before and after you have bub, you can still travel and you can still pay off debts. I would highly suggest seeing a counsellor or physcologist before making any final decisions, you can still get better while pregnant. Depression and anxiety cloud the mind of things you are truly capable of doing just remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel! However in saying all this at the end of the day it is a decision only you can make and deep down you will know what to do, what you can handle and what you can't
I really feel for you, I have been in your position not that long ago! I had a 3 year old, a 7 month old and fell pregnant completely unplanned and I was on pill!! I also have a history of depression and got severe pnd after both my children. I was still taking medications when I fell pregnant again and was still in a dark place, it was horrible. My hubby and I decided we couldn't go ahead with pregnancy and it was the hardest decision I have ever made but I had to consider the two children I already had and mentally I knew I was not stable enough to handle another baby. It is completely your choice but please speak to a counsellor before you make a choice just to make sure you are 100 percent. After the termination I went through a really hard time but I know that I did male the right choice for my family. All the best xx
I've suffered a major depressive episode. And to be honest I would not go through with a pregnancy while I was still going through that, especially if I couldn't take my medication. I'm not talking about a little bit down, I'm talking depression, cant get out of bed, being in a fog, panic attacks etc. Also that fleeting feeling that you wish you never became a mum makes me lean towards your not well enough yet.
However I wouldn't terminate because of new house, travel etc because they are just not important to me anyway.
Don't make any decisions yet, wait until you've been to the doctor and have confirmation. I'm hoping for your sake your not pregnant xx
Oh you poor thing! I really feel for you as this must be such a difficult time and i truly wish you strength for this.
Its definatly not a decision to take lightly ( as im sure you already know) so i would strongly suggest you talk to a professional asap, you dont have to do this alone!
Yes i fell pregnant unplanned (4th pregnancy) and was devastated. Everyone was so happy for us but i felt trapped and felt as though i had no choice, i thought about abortion but i knew my husband wouldnt agree. So i put my faith in those who told me i could do it and that, yes it would be hard and that i would get through it. I did.
Its ok to be scared and its ok to look into termination and get all the facts about it so that you can make an informed decision. Talk to your hubby as well and let him know how you are feeling, so you guys can make a decision together. Goodluck sweetie, i wish you all the best xx
Thanks for your replies. I spoke with my husband last night and told him that I had been thinking about terminating but he is dead against it so it looks like I have to go through with it. I'm seeing my psychologist tomorrow and also a doctor to get a blood test to confirm the pregnancy. I still know this will not be good for me. Even hubby said he doesn't believe I'm mentally stable to have another child but I have no choice. Adoption is NOT an option either as I am not going through with pregnancy than a birth to give the child up. I have an incredible support team around me with my parents living close and I wouldn't put them through that either. So looks like I HAVE to get through this no matter what.
I think i might know how you're feeling. I only have one child and when he was born i was diagnosed with anxiety and PND. I am still going through it and am on medication and having therapy. I didn't have an immediate connection with my son when he was first born either. I also hated waking up every morning as i knew i would have to spend the whole day with him and i literally would sit there crying and screaming and having a breakdown. He is now almost 7 months now and i still have dark days and good days and most days i have both emotions over and over again. my husband and i planned to get pregnant and it happened a lot sooner than we anticipated. And to be completely honest, i sometimes have days when i question why i even wanted to have a child and think about how awesome my life was before he was born. I know this is a HORRIBLE feeling to have as babies are born to parents and into this world without a choice. And i also know there are loads of mothers out there who would give anything to have one child. But the truth of the matter is, PND and anxiety and all mental illness is very real! It doesn't make any sense to anyone else who isn't suffering from it but it sure is a really dark and lonely place to be when you're experiencing it. Personally, i believe that children are a gift from God and each and every one of them are designed in their own unique way to play a significant part in this world and i don't think that destroying God's creation is right. HOWEVER, i also know that bringing a child into this world when u know that u won't be able to provide the care and love for it the way it deserves is also not right. You are truly in a difficult position. Is there any other way you could keep the baby but just not raise it? adoption maybe? i don't know, I'm just throwing out options that may suit all parties involved including the baby. Good luck hun. Ill be thinking of u xx
Wow, you're words were like you took them straight out of my head and typed them down! I still have happy and sad days with my daughter and just this morning I couldn't control my crying in front of her and all she did was cuddle me and say 'don't be sad mummy'. She's not even 3 :-( but just that affection from her made me think they are worth it. I told my hubby last night about my thoughts on termination and he is against it. So I am going through with it. But even he said he doesn't believe I am mental y stable to have another child and he doesn't want me going through what I went through and he doesn't want to go through it either which is fair enough. I'm seeing a psychologist tomorrow to start the healing process again it's just I now only have a short time to do it and knowing that I'm pregnant I can't fail. I don't want to bring this child into the world knowing that I'm going to go through my dark state again. It's not fair on anyone but mostly all the child. I will not be adopting because that would be the end of me and my marriage so it's happening and I have to accept that and heal quickly and for good.
I hope that the replies here on this site have been helpful as the people who reply here are not just quick facebook 'here's my 2 cents' comments - but instead have thought out replies that I hope will educate the decision you face. They are writing without knowing you, so please take any advice here lightly.
Big hugs for your situation. Sending lots of love and if you'd like to talk further - you can message into the FB site and I will be more than happy to talk and help you where I can...
xKelly