2 years ago my sister in law died from breast cancer, she left behind a husband and 2 kids. It has been a rough ride since then. To cope my mother in law is trying to use her grand daughter to take her daughters place. Everything revolves around this one grand daughter (there are 4 grand kids: 2 boys,(8 and 2), 2 girls both 10yo (one is my daughter from a previous relationship and at times MIL doesn't aknowledge her as one of her grand children)). There are always extra gifts for her, takes her shopping, buying her stuff. Ther really worring part is that she is forcing her to like what her mum would have liked at that age and dressing her like she is from the 70's/80's.
The favouritism from my MIL is getting more and more obvious. Just recently my neice has started to want to stay home for her school holidays and be with friends, upsetting my MIL. My inlaws recently decided to book a cruise for a weeks holiday and after hearing that her grand daughter wanted to start spending holidays at home is going above and beyond to keep her coming for holidays and is now taking her on the cruise too. The other children all miss out. I am glad that my neice gets to have this experience but what worries me is that the other kids now see the favouritism and my neice really plays on that to them (she never gets in trouble, it is always the other kids).
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you help the kids cope/deal with it? I am really struggling with just letting it go as I really don't think its right. You cannot replace someone you lost, I feel my neice isn't being given a chance to find who she really is and what she likes as she is being made to be her mum. I am really scared for my neice as she grows up.
2 Replies
Could it also be that she is trying to be her mother rather than grand mother. I am sure this is a hard situation for all involved. I know since my mum passed away my grandparents have stepped up as more like parents because they know I don't have any parents and although I am in my 20's I am still a kid to them.
Perhaps she is just trying to be the little girls mother figure and going about it the wrong way??
Have you spoken to the father? It is really hard for your kids, but maybe you just need to wait till they bring it up.
Could she be aware this is a very crucial age? And maybe they just connect in a special way and it helps them both to greive I think it's a tad harsh to judge a situation if you have never list a child ... It's a hard one to be given good advice just on this as there are so many factors ( ie how does the mother feel the after your husband ect )
But in my opinion though not ideal I understand the mil totally I'm not sure of Amy advice I would probly Jair leave it to be honest and to be fair yes your daughter can be love by her but it's just very different her son chose you with a kid she didn't you can't expect her to love them all equally sorry
But best of luck hope I didn't offend just my opinion cx