so about 1/2 wks ago I was having a rough time and was being pretty non-loving and catty to my partner...I knew it was the anger talking and both he and I acknowledged it wasnt the "real" me talking at times. Fast forward towards the end of my ordeal and he springs something on me.....
hes been gambling and literally spent all he had in his account....he says that the stress from the way things were with us led to him needing this "distraction" which in turn costed all his savings. He said that he told me because he couldn't hold it in any longer...that he had been waiting for my ordeal to be over in order to tell me....he knew how hot headed I was those weeks and hadnt wanted me to mix this issue with the one I was having and end up kicking him out.
I feel like I really dont know what to do or believe... I say "believe" because all the times id ask him why he had taken long to get cigs (shop is 5min from our house hed take over an hr) he would tell me he had to walk up to the bank....so hed been lying to my face as all as hiding it from me.
I know I love him but I just feel like wtf we aren't exactly well off for him to be wasting money like that....hr is 14yrs older then me yet I feel im more responsible and thank the lord we dont have a joint bank account.
It feels like he is trying to blame me for what hes done, and im not giving in because I know I treated him a lil bad when I was down but I admitted that.
How do I get him to realise that its HIM that created this new situation, that its HIM that needs to earn my trust back??
5 Replies
I agree with you, he's waited until youre in a position of weakness and make up and trying to blame you in hope of getting off.
Yes it's good he's told you, But you are very sane to BE as skepticaL as you are. Choose your route and follow through on it. Is This the first time he's gambled it all. He needs to address why stress made him do that, it doesn't sound normal to me. Does me agree or trying to wash over it nowAnd move on. If so, then I'd advise to be more wary or the blame shifting and manipulation that can all get very confusing and is a form of abuse. Gambling all your money and lying to your face the entire time doing it isn't A normal thing to do, it's definitely not your fault.
No it is not the first time....this is the second time now both of which he literally spend everything till there was 0 in his account. The last time he was under "stress" also.
Oh, well second time I would most definitely follow through. It doesn't matter that you had a bad time, you need support, not this on top, and now Hes trying to get you to blame yourself and try to compromise or let It go so you don't ruin the good time now. He's manipulating you. Stay strong that what you actually need is a strong partner who picks you up when this happens, not adds to it with this craziness. Don't compromise because of the timing, be harder, he's really let you down. that feeling of not knowing what's the truth, or what to believe,or what to do, that's anxiety. It gets worse in a relationship where your partner does this kind of thing, you lose yourself, your reality, your standards, you compromise everything in your head and try to balance things because of how he's making you feel you should, it's mentally exhausting. it's tempting to put it aside now because of timing but over time it will Affect you really badly. I'd make him get professional help for his Gambling also get yourself some counselling about the way he's gone about blaming and confusing you.
I think your BOTH to blame, a successful relationship is only achieved when you are both honest with each other. You haven't said why you where having a few "bad weeks" to me it sounds like you both need to have a serious sit down and put everything on the table and try and rebuild your relationship.
I was having a bad few weeks due to my daughters health (my child from previous marriage)...I was under ALOT of stress because it was also a life changing condition which has thankfully for now stabilised.