Warning this is long, messy and has TRIGGERS for some people... Ok so me and my ex had a really bolotile, abusive on and off relationship. It was finally over - for good when he bashed and raped me for the second time whilst my babies slept in the next room. (He was never violent to them but was never responsible either.) He went to jail for it. He was always a lazy father and more of a boy than a man, in many ways. Anyway I never stopped my kids seeing him an they went to visit him in jail with his family, I never wanted to be one of those mums who stopped a father seeing his kids. He was locked up for a few years and is out now, my kids have been going to stay the night occasionally here and there. Now I'm starting to wonder if sending them over is the right thing to do for my kids? He still hadn't got his own place, is a compulsive liar, isn't really trustworthy or responsible, is showing signs of manipulation towards others and I have seen what he is capable of before with me. It seemed he had 'changed' but now I'm starting to think he never will, it appears he's been putting on a front whilst he's on parole. Can I please have some other mummy's opinions on what I should do? I don't want to hurt my kids by cutting him out of their life, but I don't want to hurt my kids by allowing him to be around him and something seriously bad happen!
2 Replies
I would cut his visitations to supervised and I would not let them sleep over until they were a lot older and able to tell you that they definitely want to stay with him.
You have absolutely no control over what happens when they are in his care and if it was me I would stop it asap....
I would change to supervised visits. Which will probably mean stopping visits until you can go to mediation.