I have been with my fiance for 10 years. We have a house together and two small boys. Atm I'm a SAHM on unpaid maternity leave hopefully for another year. My fiance works 5/6 days a week. He is helpful with boys most of the time. I don't really want for anything and feel pretty lucky for that. My problem is I treat my fiance like crap and speak to him like crap too. Sometimes i can see myself doing it but most times i don't, but when he pulls me up on it I try and turn around onto him so it's not my fault. I'm actually thinking that he deserves someone better than me and that I should leave so he isnt unhappy anymore. I really don't want to break up my family but I just can't stop feeling like this. I should be able to stop being a cow to man i love right??? I'm receiving councelling atm because I felt like i had pnd and was the worst mum around. I have another appt next week and will bringing this up then. We do argue a bit but when i look back now most of it was avoidable. But i just feel like everything is my fault all of the time and he thinks so too, which is why I feel he would be better off without me. I have tried to tell him this which resulted in an argument, that our relationship means so little to me to throw it away (his words) I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Just upset and confused.
7 Replies
Definitely bring it up in counselling. They will help you get the answers. It can be worked on though
Yes counselling, I've been there before and even lacked the effort to go and apologize for it and make things good. It's total self sabotage, as you said you're driving him Away and there are some underlying reasons why youre doing it. Get help and decide to stay or go, or he'll go eventually and it will be out of your hands.
Exactly my situation. I can't even say sorry without trying to make an excuse or don't feel I should say sorry majority if the time. I know it's wrong afterwards but at the time I have to be 'right' or something along those lines.......
I have no advice, in my situation I didn't get any counselling and he ended up ending our 4 yrs rship, and once he said it was done it was done. I fought so hard to stay and try, but actually even when we met up I was both heartbroken and also still unhappy / picky with him (?!) it still didn't change me! It was the worst breakup for me, but a year later I had completely moved on and it and him were already like another life. I'd never go back. But we didn't have children together. Just saying what happened to me. Noones going to put up with it forever, and nor should they & you owe it to yourself to explore your deeper feelings. Good luck
I have no advice but know your not alone! I could've written this post!
I've only just recently realized how bad I am with my husband. Not outright meaning to be rude but with bitchy comments and put downs. I don't know why i do it. I love him and yeah we have our ups and downs but he doesn't deserve this. I'm starting counseling next week to work on this. Good luck IM I hope you can find an answer
oh wow, I could have written this! if I give you my take it might help?! I do the same to my husband (we have 4 kids) but he can never do anything right. he works his ass off to provide for us, but I just whinge he's never here (he's,a dairy farmer so it is a hard life, I'm mostly by myself!) I have done counselling on and off for years, marriage counseling and tried anti depressants, my counsellor now wants me to get a referral to psych services for assessment and possible mood stabilizers. I'm hoping one way or another I can get rid of this anger and sadness!
maybe you shouldnt refer to yourself as a cow. most likely you are putting in way more effort into your relationship than he is anyway. and odds are you've put yourself 2nd for years & years. its absolutely debilitating thinking of getting out of a longtime marriage. its sickening. but you've gotta respect yourself. thats my biggest problem, too. i wish you lots of luck. hope it works out.