Not a question as such, just getting my thoughts in order and my head around things

Anonymous

Not a question as such, just getting my thoughts in order and my head around things

Wow I got the shock of my life yesterday morning. Woke up vomiting and just knew... Baby #3 is baking. Two tests confirmed and bloods getting done today. Now that the shock has worn off I am so excited and happy and already thinking of names, planning the nursery and dreaming about how beautiful this boy or girl will be. I just feel guilty because my first thought when I saw those two lines was abort. I've never believed in abortion as a means of birth control (of course I don't judge anyone else but this is just my personal view) and I don't know why it went through my head. I feel so stupid and ashamed because even though this is an unexpected surprise this baby will be so loved and cherished, as much as our other two children. I know I have more love to share around and my heart will fit this extra baby in. But the guilt is there. I know this baby is definitely meant to be here, my husband and I literally only had unprotected sex once this month and it was straight after my period ended, and he was also booked in to get a vasectomy but forgot his appointment and missed out. So this baby is definitely meant to be here. A miracle really. My first born, a son, took 4 years to conceive, my second born, a daughter, took 7 months to conceive. They are 20 months apart, and that will be the same age gap as this new baby and my daughter. I think I'm not really asking a question. Just trying to get my head around it all. I suffered severe postnatal depression after my daughter was born and feel like I'm only just coming to the light at the end of the tunnel with that. Actually I do have questions. For those that suffered pnd did you get it again with subsequent babies? And how much of a difference is going from 2 to 3 kids? I just sold all my baby gear so I'm stressing about that, plus we need to build more rooms in our house and a second bathroom to accomodate our now growing family. Argh!! I'm stressing over silly stuff I know, this will all work out. And I am truly happy, butterfly's and happy tears every time I think about this miracle growing inside me. How do I stop stressing the small stuff and get over the guilt of my first ugly thought when I saw those blue lines!!

Posted in:  Mental Health, Post Natal Depression, Anxiety & Depression, Parenthood Guilt, Pregnancy, Baby & Toddler

2 Replies

Anonymous

Honestly? If I got a shock like that, I think something like that would have run through my head (probably only as briefly as you did) too; as you rightly pointed out, it does mean making a lot of changes to your life, home, finances etc, not to mention your emotional well-being.

But that was a fleeting thought and now you're stoked! It's so exciting adding to your family and it sounds like it will all work out. Try to put that first thought out of your head and focus on the excitement and planning for this new little one, who was clearly waiting for just the right family to bless. Much love xx

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Anonymous

Firstly, congratulations :)
Secondly, I havent been through any kind of depression, so i could never imagine what its like, but to read what youve just written, i can see you are an amazing mother who is full of love.
You will be fine! Everything works out in the end. No need to sweat the small stuff.

Dont feel guilty, i too dont agree with abortion (like yourself, i would never judge anyone who did abort) but you were not expecting it. You were in shock. At the end of the day, you didnt abort. Thinking about something and doing something is very different.

Good luck with the housr renos :) xx

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