Hi fellow IM's,
I'm needing some advice/experiences/anything really I just need some help.. I'll keep it simple..
My 3 year olds dad is very sick and it looks as though his road is coming to an end very soon.. me and her dad are no longer together and at home we have me, my partner, 3 year old and new baby. We have a very happy home and 3 year old goes and sees her dad when he's well enough for sleepovers/play days etc. I've always been aware that he would likely pass while 3 year old is young, but I've always tried to push it to the back of my mind and not think about it. But it's becoming too real now and I know I have to be prepared for when it happens. But the truth is I have no idea how a 3 year old would react to her dad passing. She's very clever and knows what death is (due to her goldfish dying only) but obviously with a parent, it's very different. She has a very happy life both at home with our family, and at her dad's house when she's there. I'm guess I'm just wanting to know if anyone reading has ever experienced something similar and how they dealt with it? Or any advice even. Thank you xo
5 Replies
I'm sorry, I haven't got much to offer but I think just being honest and answering questions in an age-appropriate way is best. I'm sure there are books that you can read to her, and for yourself, about this subject and that someone will be along with far better advice than this.
I more wanted to say that I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I wish you and your family all the best through this difficult time xxxxx
My husband lost his mum when he was very young. I think the best advice I can give from my experience of living with someone who's remaining family did not handle and support him well enough is to make sure she is always able to talk comfortably about her dad. Try and maintain the connection with her dad (either through having photos obviously visible, talking about him often, visiting cemetery, keeping personal belongings etc.) Also, be very very careful about the way future male father figures treat your daughter. My husband has never fully moved on from his mum's death as he was never allowed to talk about his mum, when he did his dad's family always spoke negatively of her and not very long after her death, his dad let his new girlfriend.move in who is a dragon and always treated.my husband as a second class citizen. His dad allowed her to treat him this way and this just added to his pain of loosing his mum and made him miss her just that little bit more.
Its a terribly hard thing for everyone to go through, but it think you're doing the right thing by preparing for it now instead of ignoring.it as the way it is handled and the support your daughter receives will shape the path her life takes.
Good luck xxx
My father inlaw passed when my daughter was 3. She was extremly close to her grandfather. I explained it to her that grandad was sick and now his died. And it's ok to be sad and miss him because we all loved him very much. She went through a morning period the same as us all. She was given a special picture of her and grandad together and it has it's spot in her room. She's now 7 and still talks about grandad, my other children child was only 3 mths at the time of his death and doesn't remember him. We make an effort to talk about him and have photos up in our house of him to help keep his memory alive for our kids, as hard as it is to see those pictures sometimes.
I think the best way to go is to
Start letting your child know daddy is sick and preparing her. Get a nice photos of her and her dad so she can have something. And be honest. All the best
If you are handy with a sewing machine or know someone who is ask him for a shirt or something and make a teddy out of it for her to remember him, make sure you have a picture of him and her with him wearing it to. Just be as honest as you can with age appropriate answers. When the time comes that he does pass, make sure she knows how special her daddy was and how much he loved her and never stop telling her. Maybe also ask if he can write her some letters - one for her 18th, 21st, graduation, wedding, and for when her first child is born that you can pass on and maybe a special one that you can frame and put with a picture of them together. I haven't been in this situation personally, but that is just what I would do.
Support her grief. There is no time frame or certain way to grieve.
Also things if they get tough on either of you maybe you could seek some professional support and maybe get her into therapy. Its good to get her keeping expressive with her feelings when going through tough times. (she may draw pictures of them together etc....) I think for young kids being creative could be a good outlet for her.
This is a tough one. All the best xxx