Hi ladies,
So me and my partner have been together for just over two years now and we have a beautiful 9 month old girl.
My partner has just gotten a job after not working for over one and a half years, but now that he has a job he thinks he is just the best person alive and thinks he can just come home and sit down and do absolutely nothing.
If I get angry that he isn't helping me when I am trying to cook tea (our daughter hates when I'm in the kitchen and will just stand at the gate and scream at me) he will sit there like he is king of the world and says 'well I've been at work all day, I shouldn't have to do anything'.
Once our daughter is in bed and I'm trying to sit down and relax he insists that I make him toast or cereal, and if I don't he gets all upset at me and again uses his I work all day excuse, but as soon as I get upset back I get told to shut up.
It just makes me feel like raising our daughter is doing nothing important to him and I don't have it hard at all.
Not sure what in asking just need to get it off my chest, sorry about the long post
6 Replies
Oh nip that attitude and do it quickly. I put up with it, trying to explain and reason and argue for way too long it's exhausting. It's easier on your own.
Oh what an arse!
I think firstly it would be great if you can be really clear for yourself about what you're doing, the value and high levels of energy and commitment it takes - sometimes we only half believe it ourselves which makes it hard to take a stand with others, no apology. Sure you can acknowledge your partner for the work that he does, no doubt he needs it and it will help him have some space to then listen to you. Its great to avoid getting into a competition about who does it harder all the time. Its the oldest, most common and most unsatisfying competition around (we still do it from time to time and my daughter is 19 months old). Having said that he needs to understand that being a Dad is not a part-time job!!! Nor is being a partner. Even when mothers are asleep they're often only half in, with one eye and ear slightly open, listening, waiting. Perhaps you could tell him that you dont want to participate in an outdated text book, regurgitated, archaic conversation......I know many men who come home from work and do the cooking for the family and help with baths etc etc. You need to talk about what YOU need and as your partner he needs to work with you so that you can both have some time and relaxation and do whatever it takes to raise your daughter with the values you share, 24 / 7.
Then of course as soon as you can, leave him with her alone, increasing his experience of fatherhood and all the demands that come with it as much as you can, as soon as you can. No words are as effective as leaving them with it so that they walk in your shoes!!! Good luck.
That attitude is not ok babe. I'm not a nasty person but he is a father and whether he works or not he is partly responsible for parenting... My ex was the same but thank goodness no kids with him. Faced with the situation again it's not something I would accept. Deal breakers for me are respect, trust and communication. He's not respecting you by the sounds of it and communication seems to be an issue too. Good luck!
Make him toast and wipe your ass on it. Geez, your not his live in maid.
Coming from an extremely abusive relationship I would shut him down a notch and tell him to "get over himself". I would continue by saying "you have a long way to go to make up for the last year and a half of NOT having a job...". If this is not shut down it will only get worse.