Hi fellow IM's,
well its almost 4am, haven't been to bed yet. I am absolutely devastated. I asked my partner of 18 months to leave tonight. Our relationship has been hard work since the start, and I admit, I wasn't always an innocent party. I have insecurities so I would pick fights with him but I got better and chose my fights a lot better. The biggest issue I had with him was his drinking. I gave up drinking a few months ago, and feel so much better for it. I never asked him to give up completely but I tried to get him to compromise, to limit himself to four longnecks/ tallies and he would agree and say that was heaps, but he would later reneg and say that he feels trapped because I have got it over him by asking him to leave if he drinks. I have asked him to leave so many times over the time, but then we try to sort it out, but his failure to want to compromise about his drinking has finally wore me down and I cant do it any more. My father was an alcoholic,and as a result of that, I myself was a heavy drinker in my youth, and I stopped drinking because I wanted to be a better mum and partner. I think I hurt so much because he told me he would do anything for my girls and me, but cutting down on his alcohol consumption obviously wasn't included. I am crazy in love with him still but, I think I am ready to move on, the thing that guts me so much is the fact that I feel worthless. Like I am not worth cutting back for. I just don't want my kids to live in the environment I grew up in. They deserve better. He isn't violent like my father was, but still when he drinks to excess, I still got anxious, and didn't like it. So anyway, today was the last time I kicked him out, and apparently I am the bad guy because he is sleeping in his car. He is sleeping in his car because he cant keep agreements. Theres no going back this time, I know its for the best. I hope it gets better, I want to be able to part amicably, but I know it's not possible. He blames me for where we are. I am devastated, but I Know things wont get better if we stay together, we have tried so many times. I thought I had found the one, he is good with my kids, loves them....but I am beginning to think happy ever after doesn't exist. I know I am doing the right thing by walking away. I just hope the day comes when I can think about him without crying. Sorry about the long post.
2 Replies
I just want to give you a hug. I lived with an alcoholic for years. I hoped & prayed he would change - (we have 2 children together). He would drink drive & numb himself w alcohol weekly. Everything was my fault. (Drinkers rarely take responsibility for their own faults). That would be confronting & admitting some sort of fault in themselves. Just know this - NONE of this is your fault. You are braver & stronger then you even realise right now. You are not alone ever. You are wanting a better future for yourself & your darlings. That is called self improvement & purpose. Be brave, take it hour by hour. Minute by minute if you have too. Know you are doing the right thing. I cannot promise you it will be easy, it won't. Just make sure you can get for hands on some money, go see Centrelink if you can. My ex took every dollar from our bank accounts - I found this out when I went to put petrol in my car & couldn't pay for it. Be brave & kind to yourself every day xx
Well done!! It's really really hard to put yourself first, but what he is doing is completely unfair. Just remember while he blames you, he's in denial so all of that is manipulation and blame shifting, hes the one that won't compromise and step up to be the partner you deserve. You have tO Be the one who sees your value and worth and Draw the line at other people who don't, you can't make him but you can find a man that does see it and treats you accordingly. It's not him. after you get through the hurt you'll be really happy and proud of the decision you've made.