Ok so this could be a novel but bare with me because it's always good to know some of the background.
I've been with my partner for 3 years. He has two children I have none. I am 21. I obviously knew his kids would be part of the deal from the get go.
We have been through so so much as a couple it astounds even myself. One of those things being an abortion.
I fell pregnant one year after being together. And to tell you the truth, by then I knew he was the one for me and he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. His automatic reaction was for me to get an abortion (mind you his two weren't planned at all) when I was trying to make my mind up of what I wanted to do (I have always ALWAYS wanted to be a mother and couldn't wait for the day I became one) we had a few misunderstandings and at times he would make comments like if you have the baby I probably wouldn't stay with you. I was shattered. Why was his ex allowed to have children but I wasn't. I felt so unloved and not worthy. So I ended up deciding to do this partially having been convinced by him and myself that it wasn't the right time in our relationship.
Now ever since the "termination" I felt horrible in myself I would just cry thinking that I couldn't have the chance to be a mother. I regretted my decision. I still do to this day and I'm still extremely affected by it to the point that I take it out on him and I mostly pretend to be happy more times than not.
His two children are beautiful children but lately I've just been getting so annoyed with every little thing they do even tho most of these things are normal things kids do but I find myself getting infuriated when they do something I don't like etc. I don't take it out on them I just talk to my partner and he just says they're just kids, your kids will do that blah blah blah but my thought is, am I like this because of the abortion. Im just at breaking point. I need this to change. This guy is the love of my life and I want to spend the rest of my life with him but then I think about his kids and that they're always going to be around. I guess I just want advice if anyone has maybe been in a position like this or do I get help. I'm just at a loss on what to do I can't keep going on like this it's ruining my relationship with my partner and so many other people.
Any advice would be appreciated so much!
Thank you for reading!
4 Replies
Ask yourself is he really the love of your life? Would the love of your life say 'your kids' or would he say 'our kids'.
Would the love of your life threaten to leave if you didn't have an abortion?
Honestly, as you age you will realise there is no such thing as the love of your life. There really is more than one right guy out there.
I would go and seek some counselling, and I'll also start to keep my eyes open to your relationship. Is it healthy, are your needs being met, is he supporting you emotionally?
I think you are using your feelings about your abortion as a crotch. I dont think you love him as much as you think you do, or your relationship has moved in a positive way. You resent him for telling you to have the abortion and you are taking it out on his children. The children have not done anything. Your relationship was obviously not stable enough to have a child and does not sound like a dream now either. You need to seek counselling for your overall relationship.
I feel so sad that you were pretty much forced in to having a termination that is not good.. he may well be content with his children now !! Your kids is a red flag thas noo good !! Either ask him to man up or ask him tooo move out !! He is happy for you to play happy families but not really allowing you to create your own personally I would run NOw ?
I don't know how things stand now, so I may be way off beam.
In a relationship where you feel 'he's the "love" of your life there are some questions you should ask yourself:
1 - people in love support their 'love' - they never force them to do anything against their will. Did he do that? Or did you not want the baby either?
2 - People in love build each other up. Was this happening in your relationship?