My childhood was very traumatic - quite severe abuse so as an adult I have written off my father and have absolutely no contact with him.
I have managed to maintain a somewhat strained relationship with my mother.
My daughter who is 9 has been asking questions about where is my dad/who is my dad, and I just don't know what to tell her. I don't want to have to be explaining these things to her and I don't want to bring any negativity in to her life by explaining why i don't see him. I also don't want to be dishonest and for her to feel deceived when she is older.
How should I sensitively handle this question?
6 Replies
Could you tell her your dad didn't know how to be a parent? So is no longer in you life.
My mum told me about her childhood with her disgusting dad and although the stories made me cry, I was ecstatic that my mum would actually open up to me! I was only young at the time. 10 or 12. I think let her know the gist of it. Don't go into detail. If it helps, just say he was disgusting towards your sibling and that is why you do not like him. It was hard hearing my mums dad was inappropriate towards her sibling, but it was harder to hear it happening to my mum.
I think not being open and honest is one of the most damaging things a parent can do and it's clear that you are wanting to do the best for your child. Children are naturally curious and this is a learning opportunity for your child. Life is sometimes painful and difficult and by sharing that your child grows in her understanding and I believe it equips her to cope better with challenges in the future. Children often feel guilt when they sense secrecy and they worry that they have done something wrong or are inherently bad. I think its important to be open and transparent. You sound like a loving good mum. Best of luck.
I think not being open and honest is one of the most damaging things a parent can do and it's clear that you are wanting to do the best for your child. Children are naturally curious and this is a learning opportunity for your child. Life is sometimes painful and difficult and by sharing that your child grows in her understanding and I believe it equips her to cope better with challenges in the future. Children often feel guilt when they sense secrecy and they worry that they have done something wrong or are inherently bad. I think its important to be open and transparent. You sound like a loving good mum. Best of luck.
I think honesty is the best policy but we r also talking about a 9 yr old u don't want to start telling her about abuse depending on what it was. U would want to keep it age related mayb tell her ur dad wasn't a nice man and u couldn't have that in ur life as she gets older tell her what she can handle I don't have kids I'll b honest but I was abused when I was a child a child shouldn't have to live threw it nor does another child have to hear about it so young. So my oppinion keep it age appropriate and as she gets older tell her abit more about it
I come from a similar situation and tell my kids that my parents were not good parents and we don't see them because they are not nice people.