Hi imperfect mums. I don't know how to express myself at the moment, I just need something. I'm a mess tonight, I've been trying to keep it together since I left my ex, but everything is just catching up with me when I think about the future. I have such a gorgeous 10 month old girl, all she does is smile, she is so innocent, so beautiful, so at peace with everything, she brings happiness to everyone who looks at her, she is perfect. But she doesn't realise how hard her life is going to be. Her dads a drug addict, well his not on the drugs at the moment, but I know him too well, he will go back to it, always has, always will, he has already told me that he doesn't care if he never sees her again but will stick around to make my life hell. How can I do this when she is older? When her father keeps letting her down, disappointing her, when she is in her room crying her eyes out because dads back on drugs once again, hurting her, betraying her. I can't help this, because either way, when she's older, she will be hurt. If I take all I have and fight with all I've got in family court to have his rights removed, she then has a mother who never gave her the chance to know her father and I know, that when she is say, 12, no matter what I say, or how hard I try to explain that it is what was best for her, she won't beleive me. I can't do anything to save my little girl, I'm completely, and utterly useless in this situation, I try to be hopeful that he will get on the right track, but I know, I just know he won't! He won't do it for her and he certainly won't do it for himself! Has anyone been in this situation? Does anyone know what I can do from here? How can I help her in the future? What can I do? I can't possibly just sit back and watch her get hurt, but I can't possibly remove him and have her be dissapointed in both her parents. She's so beautiful, but her world is so ugly.
2 Replies
Firstly you need to get yourself a counsellor. You need someone you can talk to. Yes some, all, and none if the things you imagine happening may come to fruition. You have a long road ahead of you and kids are more resilient than you think. Stop panicking about things before they happen, it does you and your daughter absolutely no good. There is a long way in this journey, has he even bothered to take you to mediation yet? A lot of men make these claims of making your life hell but never follow through. There are also alternatives to cutting him out completely, if he does take you to mediation and that's asking for supervised visitation.
In the mean time if he is sending you nasty texts and phone calls, turn your phone off, put it away and don't respond!
Please seek help for yourself and don't let yourself be pushed around with promises of "maybe" and "someday". He needs to make a decision to either stand up and be a father or stand down and let you go.
My husband grew up with a drug addicted father. Things got worse as the years went on and his mother never left him. In the end it has caused issues with them because in everyones eyes she repeatedly chose to believe a maybe over providing protection for her children. It has caused issues with all of his relationships since. Yes if she hadve left him in the beginning they may have blamed her during their teenage years, but they would thank her now for keeping that out of their lives.
Ultimately you need to look after yourself so that you can be the best possible mum for your daughter.