I really don't like the feeling of being dependant on my husband to "support" me. We've been married for 9 years and I have 3 kids with him. I have had to stop work and give up jobs a few times in order to be home while the kids were young.
Sometimes I feel like I am not of any value to anyone but my kids.
Recently, after threatening to leave him because I have been so unhappy in the relationship for a long time, he has been trying to make changes. As have I. We are both going to counselling separately.
But I still feel like I have no identity. I want to get a job next year when my older two kids are both at school and my youngest will be 18 months. I also want to be able to control my own income. Money and equality in our spending has been a big issue for us.
We own our house together and have two cars. I don't think it's fair for all the financial burden to fall onto him, but at the same time it's not fair to expect me to take on all the child caring and house keeping responsibilities and try and work as well. That to me isn't equal. We both decided to have the kids, they we all planned and very much wanted.
My question is, does anyone have their own bank account within their relationship? How does that work out for you? Does it cause problems such as trust issues etc.?
9 Replies
This is how my parents do it, and works for them.
They have a joint account that an agreed portion of there salaries go in to cover bills etc, and the rest of there pay goes into there separate accounts for spending.
That way they each know what they have to spend on themselves but also know the bills are paid.
Hubby and I have always had seperate accounts. We own our house so have the joint mortgage and joint savings account we both contribute too but also have our own day to day account.
Similar to you I'm am currently one leave with our 2ndbaby and living off our savings. I work 3 days a week normally and we looked at all our bills and added it up and then worked out who earns what percent then split it between us and gave us both 'play money' after bills and savings. I have no idea what he spends his money on and don't need to same as he has no idea what I spend mine on. I see so many friends fighting with partners over joint accts and what they're spending money on etc, I figure aslong as the bills are paid In an even way that takes into account loss of wages to be home with kids then it's all good and seperate accounts definately works for us
My husband and I have a joint account and each have our own account. We both contribute to bills, he pays the loans because I currently am not earning that much. As long as the bills are paid we each treat our money as our own and buy what we like, in saying that if either one of us needed/wanted money for something our money is still OUR money. But everyone is different and run there financials differently in each marriage. I can totally understand wanting your own independence
I have been married twice. The first time we only had joint accounts. We both had similar financial backgrounds and goals and we still agree that money was the one thing we never fought over - total trust. Second marriage - very different financial backgrounds, less equal financial equity and incomes... I have the equity but he earns a little more income. He likes separate accounts, but I hate it. I think the solution is in looking at your financial maturity, your financial goals, are you spenders or savers, etc - and then work out what works for you - financial counseling with an accountant or even The Salvos can help keep the conversation unemotional. Good luck - money can cause some big arguments...
Hubby and I have a joint account where salaries are deposited and all bills paid from. We also each have individual accounts. We have an automatic transfer set up and each week we get an allowance in our individual account... This money is not subject to scrutiny by the other person and can be spent on whatever we like. It will depend on your personal budget but we are both working and the amount is $50 per week each.
I might choose to get a mani-pedi, or dinner out with my girlfriends, or I recently saved for a few weeks and bought myself a lovely bracelet. Hubby likes golf so he saves for things like new clubs, he also likes live music and will save for concert tickets etc.
Hubby thinks spending money on nails is absurd, I don't understand the difference between a good golf club and a bad one so I think buying the expensive sort is crazy. By having these separate little allowances we can indulge our individual desires without it bothering the other person - we obviously talk about what we buy etc, but the rule is that we cannot dictate or argue about whatever the other person has spent their money on - that's the point of it.
My partner is the earner in our situation, but we both have our own accounts as well as a joint account and a savings account. He puts 90% of his pay in the joint account and I pay all the bills, rent, shopping and put money into the savings account as well as an allowance in my account. He does get a larger amount than me but he has to pay for his fuel to get to work. Once baby comes I will be getting Centrelink put into my account and will divi it up for the new expenses.. My partner is terrible with money but usually ends up spending the rest of his money on me/us as I do with him. My main concern is getting the bills paid so there is a roof over our head and food in the fridge. Everything else is a luxury (for us)..! When I had a job everything was paid equally and we both had our own savings account, I was saving a lot more while earning less, but I am not a materialistic person. With our new system I make sure I run everything past him so he knows where his money is being spent and what it is being spent on, and if I need extra for me I tell him why. Before I worked this system out after I left my job, I was miserable because I had no money or freedom to do anything and felt like a house slave.
I have always had my own bank accounts and we've been together 20 years with two kids and a house. We started with a budget and an agreement as to who pays what, and we have an agreement about child raising, housework inside and out etc. It works for us.
We've always had separate accounts. It works for us. We've never had trust issues. We have joint accounts too, home loans etc. We don't prevent each other from seeing each other's accounts, he's often sitting next to me while I do my banking at the computer, and vice versa. We've had to do the joint thing too when the kids were little, but I'm back at work and it's much easier to keep track of everything with our own accounts. If you're worried about trust, why not get two joint accounts with the same bank - you use one account and hubby use the other account, that way you have separate money but can both see it when you log into online banking.
Me and my partner have sep accounts. ATM I work part time and get ftb and he is out of work. Tbh I don't trust him with money at all. He is an impulse spender. Oh we have money so I'll go buy shit for kids n buy grog n go out for dinner n blah blah blah so I just take control. When he was working we had it set up so the rent n bulk of bills come from his pay cos he earnt way more than me n my pay covered payments off ph n electricity bill n groceries etc... I know he hates not having money of his own. Today he wanted the keycard to take kids out. I have 2 sep accounts with same bank so I t/f money to other 1 so I knew he had a set budget for day n Cld not go overboard.