From the mother of children with reactive attachment disorder. I have seen some posts ( on fb not the sisterhood ) recently about young people who have gotten in trouble with the law and on each there is many comments that say "oh great parents that kid has" or "where are the parents" or even "that is what happens when you don't discipline your kids" so I am putting this out there. There are some fantastic parents out there that go through hell each day but yet their child still looks and acts wild. As one of these parents I wrote the following.
What if you were in a violent relationship but you can't leave as they are a child. What if every day you walk on egg shells not knowing what the day is going to bring. Knowing you have to protect the other children. What if you are the parent that every one judges "oh what bad parents that kid has". What if respite isn't going to happen as you don't want other peoples children at risk from your child. What if in a normal abusive relationship you would be told to leave but instead because it's a child you are told don't give up. This is the reality of parents of troubled children. Each day is a battle ground and they are helpless to stop it. They are the parents who try over and over. They are the parents who give unconditional love but know each day love is not enough. They are the parents who sacrifice everything but get no thanks but instead get judged over and over.
So instead of jumping on the parents how about asking 2 very important things to them, 1 how are you holding up and 2 do you need any help with any thing.
6 Replies
As a parent of a kid who has a weirdo condition that can make him extremely violent occasionally, I couldn't agree more.
I and my family have done the work, we have had locks on our windows to keep the child in, we have not left the house for 6months, we have seem Australia's best professionals and done as we were told, we have received gold stars on following the advice.
Things are better for us and my son, but they will never be perfect and life will always be unpredictable, despite working our butts off daily.
Yes my son will appear rude when he bumps into you at the shops, because he is non verbal and is in a fog so didn't even feel the bump. So although I do my best to avoid him bumping occasionally it just can't be avoided. It's not because of bad parenting, that's just one example.
So yeah just because my guy doesn't look disabled or different doesn't mean there isn't something going on. Now I'm not saying there aren't some crap parents out there, but the ones I've met came from even crappier backgrounds themselves.
From me I send huge hugs. I posted this for all parents like me x
Society says "stop being a dole bludger and go to work"
Kids becoming latch key kids...no parents around to paren as they are at work...
Society then says "Well where are the bloody parents" When kids are misbehaving...
Parents get blamed for working instead of being at home...
Society then says "You should be at home looking after your kids!"
parents become reliant on welfare again...
See the cycle?? Thats why its best not to judge others, everyones fighting a battle and society needs to learn to shut its mouth...
*bravo bravo* *applause* well said! Love your babies mumma!
My bubby has pediatric bipolar and all you can do is deal with each day as it comes!!!
Massive hugs to all the mummas who are dealing with difficult children in the best way they can. My son was seemingly perfect when he was a child. It wasn't until much later that I discovered he was showing me one face and being another person all together behind my back. He is now 20 years of age and violent, someone I have had to protect myself and my children from. I don't know how to make sense of it all. I am hurting so badly and when I see people make those comments it hurts. I put that child before myself each and every time. He made an active choice to become who he has become and not any of us could stop him.
I wrote this some time back but decided to share after hearing about hubby's day yesterday with my son. I was away doing some important medical stuff with one of my other children. My son screamed in the supermarket to his sister I'm going to f...ing punch you. My hubby got the "stares" from others around them. Once in car park son decided to fly off some more and kick the car while screaming. To me it's just another day and another melt down but to the outside world we are parents who can't discipline properly.