I am a bridesmaid for a friends wedding in Oct 2015, Which I am over the moon to be, But 3 weeks ago I miscarried a baby, Partner and I had decided to not tell ppl as we had not announce the pregnancy. My problem is this, I had not told the bride I was pregnant and nor did I at first mention the miscarriage I did mention to her I just needed some time out from the wedding planning as I had a few things to sort out personally, this blew up in my face and ended up in me telling her what had happened, at first she threw it in my face that I should of told her as she is one of my best friends, When I explained my reasons why she kind of backed off, But since telling her 2 weeks ago She added me to a wedding chat on fb with the other bridesmaid, she abused me for not wanting to add her family on my fb, and has since gone off at me for not talking in the wedding chat or talking to her at all About HER WEDDING.
The last straw came when on the weekend when I was at my sister in laws place and she wanted me to call her about wedding stuff and I refused cause I was out she made me feel terrible and it ended in a huge fight which I had told her repeatedly I did not want to happen.
How do I make her understand where I am coming from and why I needed some space. Am I asking to much to be left alone for a handful of weeks while I come to terms with things.
8 Replies
Don't worry Brides be crazy. I understand where you are coming from. Ofcourse you are going to be upset and want some space. The bride doesn't sound very sympathetic however this isa selfish time in her life she is probably under alot of pressure to get things organized.
This girls sounds insane. October 2015 and she is worried abou all the details? I think you see the best and worst in people under pressure. Maybe you need to opt out of beig a bridesmaid. Say you can't be happy when you are hurt and don't want to let her down any more. Maybe also suggest you might be with child at the time if the big day and don't want to make it hard for her. Sorry for your loss it's not easy, and worse when no one knows...
People who have never lost a baby, don't understand what it is like emotionally. I had a miscarriage in November and withdrew myself from my closest friends, until they new something was up and asked what was wrong, so I told them. She sounds like a very selfish friend.
For me it would be a deal breaker as a friendship. I couldn't even imagine the pain you must have gone through and then to not be supported by your best friend. To me a little life is more important then a ceremony. Not that a wedding isn't important but losing someone you love is a huge deal. You deserve much better hun.
I think you are also being a bit selfish as is she, i myself have also suffered a miscarriage. You know what life has to go on, it doesnt matter what you could have done these things can happen and 90% of the time you cannot control it. Im sorry if this comes across as harsh but you are not the only one who have been through this, do you have any other children? If you do can you just become a hermit and let them look after themselves...no. i have a small child that i still needed to look after. you can still be upset and still be involved in the wedding planning.
Wow... just wow. Heartless much?
First up; sorry to hear of your loss. Hope u have the space to process.
Next; One of the nicest, most patient ppl I've ever known became impossibly difficult to please when she was planning her wedding.....
I wasn't welcome to plan anything (even the kitchen tea, or any other suggestions) though I was a bridesmaid.
I backed off, so she asked me to help pick shoes, if I said it was black, she said white & so forth.
I had been trying previously for bub #3, for a year & had a loss, I had decided to stop trying until after her wedding, but it was too late, we were pregs.
Anyway, I put into perspective my kids are most important to me, I discussed with her & bowed out of wedding (I was due the week of the wedding) so I decided unfair & risky all round . I felt mildly guilty I'd let her down. But my Bubs so gorgeous, I love him forever!
I'd recommend step back, maybe bow out of bridal party, u need to heal & she needs to understand that.
I'm sure you're going to try for another bub b4 OCt 2015 (which can I point out is what 1yr, 9mths away?!?)
You won't need stress like that in your life. You will need supporting loving ppl to help you navigate & get u that bub u want.
Best wishes
I'm so sorry for your loss xx And sorry your friend is so selfish. I don't really have a constructive comment in regard to the wedding. I do think she is being extremely pedantic for a Oct 2015 wedding though. Let that be her problem. I have my vow renewal for then and all i have organised is that i'm having a vow renewal :) Also, in the frantic process of helping organise 2 weddings for my best friend and my bro (in different states) for the 1st of March and the 10th of May this year, so i understand what is involved (for us, cultural clashes and sabotage *sigh*) but a few weeks breathing space isn't much to ask for this early in the time frame. Again I am so sorry for all that you are going through. Just do what is right for you. It may cost a friendship but it doesn't sound like one that is worth much. sending you strength and peace lovely xx