I think I have hit rock bottom but don't know how to get out.
Most people think I have a great life I have 4 beautiful kids, Married, live in a big house, we have 2 cars and everything we need or want. We aren't wealthy, we just scrape by each week but if we want something we save or sell things we don't need/use to buy the new stuff.
Ok back to me hitting rock bottom. I have no friends, none at all, not even 1 distant friend. I look after the kids 24/7 with no help from anyone not even hubby. He works full time which I am very great full for as he brings in an income so we can live. When he is home he doesn't want to spend time with the kids unless it's on his terms so is constantly yelling at them to go away when all they want is Daddy as they never get to see him. On the weekends when he doesn't work he always has excuses why he can't spend time with them - I have to mow the lawns (this gets done every weekend even if it doesn't need it) I need to go to my Dads quickly (few hours later he is still there and having a few beers) I need to go to the shops to grab 1 thing (again few hours later he is still gone) I have asked if he is seeing someone else and he says no and I truly do believe him but the fact he never wants to spend more than 2-3mins total with all 4 kids and will NEVER look after them on his own is contributing to me being at bottom... He never spends time with me, his idea of us spending time together is watching an episode of a Tv series but we sit on seperate lounges so no snuggling or anything. When he wants to go to bed I have to go at the exact same time, he doesn't like me staying up later and out of bed but when we are in bed he doesn't want to chat or snuggle or anything, it's always me rub his back so he can sleep because he is so tired. I am lucky if I get 2hrs total sleep per night yet he gets 8-10hrs because no one is allowed to wake him or all hell breaks loose. I haven't had an hour to myself since our first was born. I have never gone out without the kids, even just to grab a loaf of bread I have to take them he won't let me leave them with him.
I'm on antidepressants as I got PND after our first was born and have tried coming off them but I can't, my Dr has up'd my dose 5 times since Bub #4 was born and still nothing has changed. I just feel so alone, I feel like I shouldn't be here, I resent having my kids (don't get me wrong I love them to bits) I resent my life and sometimes wish I wasn't. I am seeing a counsellor as well but it's not helping.
I just don't know what to do anymore. After re-reading what I have written everyone would be better off without me here at all. The kids need someone who want them around and can look after them without yelling every second of every day. Hubby needs someone who isn't constantly asking him to spend time with the kids or with me.
I have tried joining mothers groups, tried meeting up with other mums from online, I have tired everything I possibly could but for some reason I just can't make friends. I thought it wasbecause I have 4 young kids but now I think there must be something wrong with me.
I want to go out on my own with no kids and no hubby. I want to go out with just hubby and I but we have never done that since having kids. I want to make friends even just 1 or 2 good friends would do so I can interact with other adults who actually want to talk to me.
I don't know what I'm actually asking, I need someone to talk to who will actually listen and give me helpful advice but there is no one.
I just want to disappear for good. It's not like anyone would miss me. My own parents & siblings want nothing to do with me and hubby's family want nothing to do with me.
9 Replies
Honey there is nothing wrong with you. You are married to an ARSE HOLE. It's not you, it is him! You need a break, you need sleep. He needs to step up and be a parent or you might as well be a single mother. Your kids need you. You are all they have.
Have you considered leaving him or kicking him out? I'd prefer to parent alone than be continually disappointed that my partner failed to step up and support me time and time again.
Get him to a marriage counselling babe. As a "now single mother" I read this and I think it would actually be easier for you to do it alone. Kids will be fine and you will cope but not having to deal with the heartbreak he's putting you through. He's not giving you one thing you need emotionally honey :-) I wish I could scoop those kids up and give you a solid day to yourself :-(
There's a saying "Before you decide you're depressed, make sure that everyone around you is not, in fact, an arsehole."
While it certainly does sound like your depressed and probably could do with a review of your meds and perhaps an overhaul of your treatment plan, it seems that the main problem here is that you're disconnected from your support networks. You arent having your needs met and you're having trouble meeting the needs of your kids as a result. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Hubby needs to step the f*ck up. Whether he himself is depressed or if he is scared to step in with the kids or if he just plain does not want to be there I don't know but he needs to know what a toll this current lifestyle is taking on you. Because if you fall apart he is not going to be capable of taking over. Have a chat, suggest counselling for the two of you perhaps? Whatever you do, something needs to change.
Big hugs IM. You are important and your kids need a happy, healthy mum. Take care xxxx
Big hugs chicky. I've suffered pretty horrible pnd and came out the other end a stronger better person. Where are you located? I would love to be your friend.
There is no way that they would be better off with out you, They would be stuck with their dad who has no time for them! It's definitely not you that is the problem here xx
Hun, everyone WILL miss you. Go to your GP to get the ball rolling on talking to a counsellor. You can get discounted sessions as it is covered by medicare. Ask them who they would recommend as there are many out there. Talking to someone (especially someone who is on the 'outside') is the first step. Your words sound so much like what I have been and I have finally come through after 2yrs on the other side after asking my ex to leave (his behaviour sounds so much like how it started with me) and we are so much healthier and happier. Big hugs to you and if you want to chat then feel free to reply to this and I will give you my details. Personally, chatting to people who have similar stories, is great therapy! And one last thing, there is NOTHING wrong with you. Life is tough, having young kids is exhausting (i only have 2) Maybe your husband can speak to the same counsellor because he needs to step up as a parent (but separate from you) Big virtual hugs to you xx
Apologies as I have re read that you are seeing a counsellor. Perhaps there is another one that you can see ? As there is nothing wrong in asking to see someone else as counsellors have different techniques and you are number 1.
Your husband is abusive and controlling. See if you can get some counselling and there's emergency housing for situations like yours. I know it's hard because he makes the money etc but there's nothing wrong with you. Your husband is a bad person, don't take his shit on board. You and your children deserve better.
Where abouts are you located? I'm sure someone on here is from where you are & would be happy to help you out where needed. Chin up the only way for things to go after rock bottom is up :)