My mum is hosting christmas lunch this year but I am feeling a tad put off going as I found out today she has invited my SIL's family (she is not married or engaged to my brother),which now makes it more of her family attending then our own. She has never in the 7 yrs I have been with my partner asked if his family would like to come to a christmas lunch she hosts either nor has she asked my sisters partners family in the 4yrs they have been together. There has been lots of little things over the past year that have upset my sister and I in regards to our mum showing more affection to our SIL then her own daughters eg. Throwing a huge 21st for SIL but when I asked to have my own birthday at her house she refused. Am i being petty in how I feel and not wanting to go to christmas lunch now.
6 Replies
In relation to your mum showing more affection to your SIL, I could understand that it would be challenging. I think at some point (probably after Christmas) you should mention how you feel. Perhaps you could take your mum out for a one on one lunch and mention your appreciation for her and how you envy the relationship she has with your SIL and how you want to build on your relationship with your mother.
In relation to the Christmas lunch I personally think your mother is doing a lovely thing and definitely showing some Christmas spirit. I would just accept the invite of the SIL family and make the best of it.
Best of luck.
I think it sounds more like she's trying to win brownie points with the SIL for some reason? or has your brother been treated better and she's doing it to please him.. Not sure I have advice on what to do about it but I would go to Christmas lunch and try to make the best of it xx
SIL works with my mother as well, they spend so much time together its not funny. My sister and I did some time with our mum about 2 weeks ago and she was mostly focused on what presents to get SIL when we were out shopping. We have spoken to her numerous times about how we feel and it seems to fall on deaf ears. SIL is very timid and jumps to do everyones bidding whereas my sister and i are very independent. I sent a text letting my mum know we may be doing something else and its been a day and a half with no reply.
It's your mum's choice how she treats each of you. You can either address it or just try to live your life.
My mum is the same with my SIL.
Yes it does sometimes hurt that she makes more of an effort with my brother and SIL but I love my SIL and her family are good people (the have attended a few Christmas' too). It was a nice gesture to invite you SIL's family.
Regardless I love my mum and sometimes we clash (we're kind of alike in some areas & other areas totally opposite) so maybe the amount we catch up is enough for us.
In all honesty it sounds like you are being petty and jealous. Dont let it stop you going to Christmas at your mums thats an OTT adult temper tantrum right there. Maybe you should admire your mum for embracing xmas and celebrating it with people who may not be your own blood but are important parts of people in your family.
And just have to say that whether your brother and SIL are married or not is absolutely irrelevant!
I may be petty but this has been a ongoing issue for years. My mother when asked if i could invite my partners family to turned rund and said no i dont like him and i am not going to have his family here. So yeh a little hurt by it all. God my mother even ignored her 8yr old grandson on his brithday in favour of spending time with my sil. So yeh guess me being hurt my children being hurt is petty of me then.