Need some answers...
Hello sisters. I need help with some answers about the process of laying charges on people that interfere with children.
My sister separated from her partner of 7 years. She was violent toward him. Did a lot of drugs. Cheated and lied. She is a compulsive liar. She has 2 girls from a previous relationship and a son to him. They separated early this year. She left him for a younger guy and wanted the father of her kids to have nothing to do with her or the kids.
In about September this year, she said that the kids had said he interfered with the kids. That he did horrible unspeakable things. Without question, I cut all ties with him. He has still been contacting me but I have been ignoring him. My sister says the police have asked us not to say anything & Child protection protection have said without a doubt that this has all happened.
My question is, it's now mid December and he hasn't been arrested. She doesn't let anyone go to child protection/ Lawyer appointments with. She lives in a completely different town so I can't be there anyway. With her track record, it's always in the back of my mind that she is lying. I know it sounds horrible second guess something like this but wouldn't the police have arrested him by now? Taken some family in for questioning? Stopped visitation with his kids from his previous relationship? Some sort of protection order on my nieces and nephews hat he allegedly assulted ? It's been 3 months? I have supported her the whole way because this is something that can't be ignored. But the process is taking much longer then I thought. I'm starting to wonder if it's one of her stories she's fabricated because she lies so much?
Gosh anyone that has had to go through the process, first I'm sorry this has happened to you, but can you give me any indication if she could be lying about it?
Thanks
3 Replies
I would say there's sufficient grounds to suspect she may be making up these things to get back at him and/or in an attempt to get her own way with visitation etc. By the sounds of it, your sister has issues and given that she was an abuser against him, this could be just another way of controlling him? I personally would be looking for the other side of the story. If the kids say anything to you, make sure you're fully supportive (ie. Go along with it as though you 100% believe them) just in case they're not lying, however do keep in mind that your sister is an abuser, she could very well be emotionally controlling and coaching those kids also.
My husband's ex wife was abusive. She would threaten him with bats, put a knife to his throat, push and shove him, etc. She'd do everything to try and get my husband to push her away or grab her arm to stop one of her hits.
Then she'd tell everyone he'd hit her.
She would force him to spend all his money on her and made him sell his belongings for rent/food/bills and stuff for their child. If he couldn't come up with the money, she would tell everyone that he was refusing to pay to keep their child fed, clothed and sheltered even though he was working and she wasn't.
Turns out, she was also scamming the government. She told them that he was unemployed during their entire marriage. He had no clue, filed his taxes appropriately, and she got busted. She tried to force him to pay it all back, too, and then told people he was withholding money from their child when he refused.
This 'woman' went as far as taking an AVO out on my husband and pressing assault charges when people started to doubt her and ask her why police were never involved.
(She was having an affair, but told everyone it was due to his abuse and him cheating)
The truth came out in court, and the judge said it was clear that she was the abuser and that this was just another way of controlling him after the relationship ended.
Now, she's keeping their child from him and telling everyone it's because he was found guilty of assaulting her, even though the judge dropped all charges.
My point of this little ramble is that there are two sides to every story.
My husband is still labeled the abuser. He still has to be careful where he goes and who he sees. He and I have a child now, too, and we have to be extremely careful with what we say or do because of how many people believe the ex, even without proof.
Now, I am not saying that this man is innocent. Just because your sister is abusive, doesn't mean she's lying. He could be a useless piece of scum who deserves to rot.
But he also could be a victim.
What I am saying is, make damn sure you have all the right information before you label him a child abuser. Because that title will never leave him, even if he is innocent. He's whole life will be impacted by what is being said.
Your sisters words could be ruining an innocent life.
Find out as much information you can.
Ask your sister if you can speak to the police because you're concerned that he keeps trying to contact you.
Ask your sister why she's cut two father's out of her children's life. See what she has to say about them both.
And if your doubts are strong enough, ask the man for his side of the story. He might not even be aware of what's being said about him.
My ex was not questioned or charged for months. She may be lying but please don't assume this just from the time it has taken.