Everybody, I am just hoping for a little advice please.
My close girlfriends daughter has just been diagnosed with cancer. She is only 3 years old and they have an 18mo as well.
I am desperately wanting to help her in some way, but I'm not sure how without her thinking we are stepping on her toes etc.
She & hubby don't have much family and for the time being have had to take time off from work to be with their daughter in hospital (in a good 2hrs from their house).
I was thinking of giving food/cash/vouchers(Coles cards etc). But I'm not sure whether they will think they are a charity - does that make sense?
I feel I don't even know what to say to her anymore, I'm scared I will say something out of line or hurtful. I want to contact her everyday but hold off as I don't want to be a nuisance. I try and talk about general things in life etc just as a bit of a distraction - I don't know if this is a good thing or not? Please help, I'm after any advice! X
Ps. I have offered to look after the younger Bub but she said she doesn't want to be a birder to anyone (I told her not to be stupid), but I also think she wants to keep bubs close too.
3 Replies
Omg Im so sorry to hear such sad news. If it was me I would either talk to her face to face or send her a txt. Tell her that you are here for her and her family no matter what...if she wants meals cooked, babysitting, washing done, an ear to bitch about how unfair life is ( yep I think she has right to bitch about that). Tell her to tell you if you are being overbearing but offer whatever support you can. I would txt her everyday or every second day even if its just a "hey I know you probably have a zillion things going on Im thinking of you guys and please let me know if there is something I can help with". She may knock offers of help to start with but please keep offering as she just may one day need you. Wishing them all the best.
Show her this! Honestly when my son got sick I was grateful for any help what so ever.
Coles vouchers, offers of doing the food shopping. Offers of sitting with my child so I could get some fresh air. Offers of taking my dog for a walk.
ALL of it was appreciated and such a relief.
Don't give her cash or gift vouchers. Do little things... pop in and drop off a home cooked meal or a basket of goodies for her. Do a spot of shopping for her and have it delivered... call in and tell her to sit down and put her feet up and just be there to chat with her. Don't try and be her saviour. Don't try and 'distract' her from her reality. Ask her about her daughter. Ask her about the treatement. Ask her how you can help her. Be her friend and don't shy away from her. Things for your friend are about to get real ugly. Chemo takes it's toll. Sick children get sicker, parents become frayed and tense, there is a constant feeling like everyone is watching you because you have become a freak show... so just be her friend. Don't treat her any differently. Be there for her. Your friend may initially tell you a lot that she doesn't need anything... but just always be there no matter what.... because I can guarantee that there will come a day where your friend will want someone there, and by that point most other people will have walked away. Just keep telling her that she isn't being a burden and you can do anything that is needed.
I have been where she is. I have walked those footsteps... cancer sucks, especially when it is your child who is dealing with it... but going through it alone because you've tried to be strong and everyone has walked away makes it even worse.
If you want to talk to me more, please feel free.