Okay, back and forth my thoughts and decisions go! Long story short, I have a daughter, she has her fathers last name and he hasn't seen her in a long time, I have a VRO on him and I left because it was a heavy DV relationship, he broke the VRO once, spent the night in lock up, got a fine and I haven't heard from him since, I tried every avenue for him to safely see our child but he refused all, he said he didn't care if he ever saw our daughter again he just wanted to ruin my life. Anyway, he doesn't see her, I've had so many thoughts of what to do, removing him completely from her life has crossed my mind but I can't make that decision for her, I'm not going to take him to court because I don't have the time for one and id like to see him make a little bit of effort to see our child (his been violent towards her so it would need to be supervised) either way, i would love for him not to see her again because she deserves better but once again, not my decision to make now is it. So I want to know what I can do about changing her last name but not legally because it will just force court proceedings and I can not be bothered and quite frankly, he scares the crap outta me. So she is not in school yet but, when she goes can I just put my last name down instead of hers and basically pretend that's it? Is that what she would be called informally? I'll be putting her in daycare soon as I need to go back to work, can I also do the same? Considering I have a VRO in place and the police have reports of him dragging me out of a house and pushing me up against a wall with her in my arms do I have anything to stand on if he did try to remove her from daycare/school with no actual court orders in place? I will be speaking to an actual lawyer when I have the funds, at the moment I've heard nothing from him for months, all I know is he's now lost his job, they brought in drug testing and he failed 3 times.. I really want to avoid any actual contact being made to him, so any advice would be great!! Thank you :)
Changing names
Changing names
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Loss & Grief, Parenthood Guilt, Education, Baby & Toddler, Kids
3 Replies
Have you googled a free legal hotline in your state? Otherwise contact legal aid. Plus most lawyers will see you once for free. That way you don't have to save and won't be worrying.
I think you legally have to use the name in her birth certificate on official forms at school but you can ask them to use a chosen name.
My mother did this for me when I was a child, changed my name to her surname but not legally. It can be done but it did backfire when I was older and out of school and was overall just very confusing for everybody and I was constantly having to explain the situation to people which just got annoying. It upset me when I was at school because kids would ask me why my name was changed and I'd have to say that it was because of my dad etc and I'd get very upset and cry about it a lot.
Now as an adult my surname doesn't really bother me or have any impact on my life, plus I'll get married and change it anyway. Your daughter can also change it herself legally when she turns 18 if that's what she wants.
From my experience it just made me feel worse about the fact that I didn't have a relationship with my dad and having to constantly explain to people why I had 2 different surnames was draining.
It might be better to talk to Births Deaths and Marriages about it and to do it legally. If the father doesnt want to see the child then he may agree to signing the paperwork. If he wont sign it, then you would have to have a magistrate sign off on it. It is a bit of time and hassle, but if you really want the name changed, then would be worth it.