I'm sitting here crying and am so exhausted. My 3 month old has been up every hour between 11pm and 6am for 3 weeks now. My 4 year old is going through an extremely demanding stage. And my partner has such high expectations of what I should be doing during the day.
I am on medication for anxiety and depression as well.
I haven't been able to fill my script for the past 4 days due to constantly forgetting and not being able to do anything for myself. I feel like I've lost myself as a person.
My life revolves around caring for my kids, looking after the animals, running the house, cleaning the house. Doing the washing. And if I forget and hubby doesn't have a uniform I'm made to feel terrible he has to wear one from the day before.
If you look in the washing you will find majority of clothes are hubbys, and my two boys. I might have 1 or 2 items, because I barely change my clothes, never get a chance to shower. I feel horrible.
Literally feel like a machine.
Did I mention we are supposed to be saving for a wedding? Yet partner wants to use extra cash to do his veggie patch, to redo the front yard, put roof racks on the car. The one thing I am trying the hardest to do for me, my wedding, and that's getting taken off me. I want to call it off.
I never feel any sexual feelings for my partner and he gets cranky about it. But I just can't see how I can have those feelings when I am giving so much of myself to everyone else that I just don't want anything. Who would feel sexual when they haven't showered for two days and wearing the same outfit from two days ago?!?!?!
Not really a question I guess, just a very desperate plea to know I'm not alone and other mums feel like they are losing the plot too... Xox
8 Replies
Honestly I'd be prioritising your meds and getting back to the doctors. Forget everything else! I'm sorry but your partner is being an ass hole! I think you need to get some clarity. DO NOT get married to that guy. In fact I'd be considering packing myself and my child up and going to stay at my mums or a friends so I could have a rest.
You need some help, and support and you are not getting that from your 1950s partner.
It's time for some changes.
I agree with your first sentence, the rest I think is a bit harsh.
Please put yourself first! You are not alone! I think you should have a couple days break away from home, get hubby to have the kids for a couple of days or if he can't get a family member or friend. Get your meds sorted and catch up on some sleep. Get a clear mind and take some deep breaths. Have a serious talk to hubby about how your feeling, sometimes men need to be told a few times and really spell it out to them that it's serious before they really understand. He might be feeling very depressed as well and is just dealing with it differently to you. I don't think you should make any drastic decisions until you get your head in order and a good sleep.
Don't be afraid to ask others for help and don't feel like you are being selfish by putting yourself first sometimes. You need a break and that's ok, we all do at times
Oh mumma. Newborns are hard work and even tougher if you have depression. You're definitely not alone.
You need to get your script filled. Skipping meds really affects your moods. You also need sleep. Do you have someone that can sit with the kids for a couple of hours? It's ok to ask for help.
I think you need to have a really good chat with your partner. He needs to understand that you're struggling. It usually takes me fully losing my shit before my husband takes notice. Sometimes they just don't realise how bad things are or they do but they don't know how to help. Spell things out for him. Don't just give him your problems, offer up how he can help you.
Yes, we feel the same or we've felt the same at some point in time, it gets better/easier. I have a 7mth old and a nearly 5yo and as of yesterday my 7mth started sleeping more than 3hours at any given time for the first time ever but my body clock has adjusted to the 3hourly wake ups and I find myself walking the hallways in the middle of the night alone because I'm wide awake. As for the nearly 5yo, yep, total devil child. My hubby started to get that way 'your home all day so why isn't my washing done, lunch made etc etc' so I started allocating alone time with the kids away from me (i.e. Outside gardening) at first he lasted 15mins before coming back saying it was too hard with the two of them and I'd be all like 'I do it all day, everyday, it's not that hard' and I guess he got the point. We haven't progressed past 2hours but it's two hours to myself to hide in the shower, read junk magazines, plan a wedding?
You are not alone !!! I definitely reccommend prioritizing your meds as you are obviously over whelmed and anxiety definitely won't help that !!!!
But apart from that I could have written most of this !! Everything is about everyone else and things for me get left behind because there really is no time .
Give your self some slack though Hun your doing a great job !!!! You have a 3 month old !! And that is a huge adjustment for the whole family but especially you who doesn't sleep !!!! Have you got some help with your 4 year old ? Even preschool a couple of days a week? ( that's where mine goes as I don't have family support ) and then you can use that time to do some things for you like SLEEP with the baby ;) I have 3 babies and each time it's just been a massive adjustment in the first 6 months and things do get easier , you'll find your groove get some more sleep and get back on your meds and things will look brighter !!
Oh and on the sex thing you just had a baby !!!!!!!!!! Don't feel that it's a problem that you don't feel like sex ! That's his problem not yours !!!
You are not alone!! EvERY mother has felt this way.
My advice, when you hop up in the morning, feed the kids first. In not a fan of TV, but if it means I can take a shower in peace, put the TV on!!
Your oldest should be happy to watch it. Youngest can cone into the bathroom withyou. I used to put my youngest in the highchair...all strapped in. Enjoy your shower!!!
Secondly, the oldest is okd enough to go to daycare 1-2 days a week...they will love it. Interacting with other kids.
You will love the break as well. You can spend quality time with the baby, catch up on washing...or most importantly SLEEP!! Or soak in the tub. You are allowed time for yourself.
As for your husband, introduce him to the washing machine!!! If he has half a brain, he can work out how to use it...otherwise he can go to work stinky!!
Put a list of jobs on the fridge that he needs to help you with. He is apart of this family and needs to help you.
Wedding plans - if you arent in a rush, can you wait a bit until things settle down? You have more time to plan and enjoy the experience. But i would put my foot down on partners spending. Put spare cash in separate 'wedding account', so you can have the day of your dreams!!
Best of luck, you will be fine...we have all survived it x
Hi there, it saddens me to hear you are so lost. I too was quite lost just after having my baby but she's now 6 months old and a lot easier to handle (for want of a better word) there are many way to can try to get more sleep, have you trie a sleep school at all? I have not but I hear they work wonders.
Please think long and hard about marriage, marriage is not a band aid and I feel if you don't have a partner who is supporting you in some of the roughest days of your life, is he really a partner worth marrying ? I'm no expert on this parenting, housewife gig but I do feel where you're coming from, you're certainly not alone xx