Its a long way away before my daughter starts asking about her dad. But I don't know what to to tell her?
When I fell pregnant he told me he didn't want another child he had a son to another women and he didn't want him thinking dad was starting a new family. He was violent too. So he attacked me to try and make me miscarry as I wanted to keep my child.
I left as soon as I had a place and when the perfect opitunity came to get away.
Any way he had never made contact for custody when I was told he didn't want her at all it cut so deep. What father doesn't want there own child?? He found a new girl pretty much as soon as I left which just showed me even more he never loved me or our unborn child. This girl is more important than my daughter its so obvious and I hate her for it she doesnt care what he did and how he doesnt love his child. Can't she see how heartless he is?
So one day she is going to ask me the question I am dwelling. Mum why don't I have a dad. What do I say to her? Will she be okay growing up with out a dad?. I'm still single and have been since I left and never want to repartner again. Men scare me. Will she be okay not growing up with out a dad or with out a father figure?
Daughter with out a dad
Daughter with out a dad
Posted in:
Mental Health, Loss & Grief, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
6 Replies
She will be fine and as a perfectly capable mum you will answer with love and age appropriate honesty as you see fit. Stop doubting yourself, you have a while to think about it. If worst comes to worst and she asks before you can think of something then put her off and come back to ask for ideas, but I think if you trust yourself you'll come up with a better answer than any of us could give.
Just explain that sometimes mums and sometimes dads have a calling in life to help bring someone into the world. But their not made to look after them. God has given that gift to others and sometimes a mum or dad is all they need. Sometimes children are adopted into new families who couldn't have children or people donate a seed to special hospitals so mummies with or without a daddy having trouble creating their own can have help from another mummy or daddy. Might be a bit confusing depending on her age so find words that suit her age and take out god and add nature or something if your not religious.
Thank you so much for these words. I do believe strongly in God. And what you have said is so perfect. I will always keep this in the back of my mind for when the time comes. X
My father was not part of my life growing up. I turned out fine, happily married 10years with a son, uni degree and a business owner - most importantly I am happy. A strong male role model is ideal be it your own father, a friend or other relative. Make sure you look after yourself as well, you will be so important to her remember that. Treat yourself the way you want her to treat herself. My mum was a superhero to me and the only change I would make would be for her to have taken time out for herself.
Oh and when she asks a simple he was not ready to be your dad but I was ready to be both your mum and dad.
Its time to heal, you have been through alot but holding onto to anger will not help you in the long run. I think talking to a counsellor will help you a lot. while i cant promise you every bloke you meet has good intensions for you what I have learnt through trusting my partner is that there are still good blokes out there. Don't completely give up on love. If I did after my experiences, my kids wouldnt have their amazing step Daddy.
I was in a simular situation, where bio Dad was happy to be step parent to his girlfriends child but didnt want anything to do with our son. I am now fully accepting of it, have moved forward and know it happened because better things were awaiting us.
As for your daughter tell her that her Father wasnt ready to be a Dad but you felt ready to Parent for both of you and show this child everyday just how much you love her. Male role models also help, before she had her step dad my daughter had my brother living with us. which was so good for her.