I quit life.

I just nees help.
This will be long, im sorry.

I cant do it anymore. I cnt do parenting, i can do life, i cant do me, i just cant.

Im 28 years old. Mum of 2 bio kids and 3 step kids to my ex who i still am there for years after the break up.
I fought for those kids through child services when my ex and i first got together, as the mother abandoned them. That was 9 years ago.

I love my children. I love all of my beautiful and talanted children. But im struggling.
The relationship was abusive and took its tole on my self esteem. At 19 years old i was mumma to 4 kids til i had number 5 three years ago. I keep a clean house, i cook, i read them books, i do countless hospital trips, i bake most of thier school lunches from scratch.

My 9 year old has autism, touretts, adhd, kidney failure/disease, and eczema that coveers his entire little body.
My 2 year old is a typical terrible 2 year old, who dosnt sleep!
My 15 year old step daughter is great most of the time and she lives with me.

4 years ago, i left the dv relationship. My friend died in a car accident, my pop and uncle died 3 days apart from seperate things. We were flooded out and then someone burnt our housr down after we were fixing it from the floods. I was studying and was diagnosed with a heart condition, ptsd, generalized anxiety disorder and bipolar. My mum comited suicide 3 weeks after my son was born...3 days after she met him for the first and only time..i didnt get pictures of them together. My step mum died of kidney disease, my sister moved to tas, my brother got locked up for armed robbery, my other pop died of brain cancer, a family friend comited suicide, another friend died of pnemonia and my cousin comited suicide and last month anothet friend comited suicide...im the youngest.
I was left to clean up the mess. When my brother got locked up, he has a storage shed full of stuff..mostly my mums that i had to sort through... along with 100s and 100s of used dirty needles (he has hep c) that i had to sort through.

I grew up in a pretty disfunctional family. Alcoholic mother, drug addict father, drug addict and violent brother and a sister with violent tendencies aswell due to her own health issues. Everyone was always violent or drunk or losing their mind.
My step dad though is a wonderful man. Who has gone above and beyond for me all my life. He and mum married when i was 5, divorced when i was 10..and he is still here for me.
He is sick though? Type 2 diabetes, early emphysemia and recently heart issues. Im trying to learn more.to help him lose weight, i travel an hour every week to clean his house.

So here i am. Currently bed ridden. Ive hurt my back. I have a slipped disc, bulging disc, narrowing vertabrae in my lower back and scoliosis. I was at the hospital earlier, taken by ambo because i couldnt move. They gave me a green whistle, endone, panadol, ibrufon, morphine and valium. Still in pain..they sent me home anyway.
I needed to pee. I cant get up, i cant move. And yep..i ended up wetting myself. So now im humliated.

So im sitting there crying my eyes out. Trying to think who i can get to help me... and guess what...ive got noone.
Mind you, im the one that goes above and beyond for everyone in my life. My birthday last year, i spent it cleaning up after my friends sisters hens party that i said could be held at my house coz it was bigger, and noone come to help clean up. The year before that noone was around to do anything.This year everyone forgot. Yet every birthday of my friends i bake them a cake or throw them a surprise party...even if its a bunch of cheap balloons and a woolies cake..i try and make sure they are loved. Mothers day, i didnt even get a "happy mothers day" and its obviously a hard day for me..however i managed to let my friends know i was thinking of them (it was her first mothers day without her mum) i dont want much.. i just want to be acknowledged. To feel important. I want someone to think of me.

Financially im struggling. I want to work but because of my sons health issues, he is unpredictable and sometimes will get sick for a mth at a time in which i need to be with him because i have noone else to help with him. I wanted to take my kids to the upcoming show but i cant afford it. I cant afford my own medication because my sons cost so much...he also has acute allergic rhinits..his nose spray is $52 a fortnight.

There is so much more but im trying to keep this shortish but feel like im failing. I feel like im always fighting and battling through life. I feel unwanted, alone, isolated. I feel like its hopeless. I dont want people to make their whole lives about me, but id like someone to care enough to want to make some kind of effort..even just to remember my birthday.

I dont know what im asking. I guess im venting. Because ive tried to reach out to "friends" but basically get the door shut in my face. Please no nasty comments..i dont mean to sound selfish... but i really feel like im a broken woman.