I love my baby, don't get me wrong. All you judgemental people who make me feel horrible just reading about your comments on mums struggling, please don't contribute.
I adore my baby girl. She is 16 months and an amazing sleeper, smart and funny and loves everyone. The only thing is, I feel like I can't be her mum. I don't like to play with her as she sooky and gets frustrated easily. I can't relate to her. I honestly feel like she'd be better off without me in her life. My partner (her father) is so hands on and so amazing I feel like she doesn't get enough from me.
I miss her when I'm away but I just don't want to be around her when I am.
Help! Any CONSTRUCTIVE feedback would be amazing. Is this pnd? Is it just apart of being a parent? Or am I just not maternal?
5 Replies
I believe so my sister was diagnosed when her bub was 18mths old. I would suggest seeing your gp and getting a mental health plan or asking for some numbers in your area for councillors that specialize in mum/bub bonding (i do know they exist one was refered to me. Meanwhile dont be so hard on yourself...being a mum IS the hardest job in the world and you are doing a great job and I can tell that by how much your post speaks of your love for her.
You can get depression at any time. Yes it may qualify as post natal depression.
Don't be hard on yourself, I honestly don't play well with under two children! Any child under two I just find difficult to play with. The play is boring, repetitive etc.
I love playing with kids from about 2.5 years on wards. They are just easier to bond with and play with for me. I've realised in just not a baby person. Which is fine because our kids grow into adults, so it's ok if I'm not awesome at baby stuff because there are plenty of other stages I thrived with!
I'd go to your GP and get yourself checked though. But remember you will probably have stages in your child's life that you will find easier than her dad will.
It could be Pnd and I think you should go see your dr for advice.
Having said that this is my experiance and it could be completely different to yours
I found it really hard to connect wih my firstborn as a baby and up until about 2. Yes we played and I did everything I was 'supposed' to do and enjoyed it but I didn't feel that connection where as my husband did and had a better relationship with bub.
However once bub could talk better and interact I had that connection and loved doing everything with bub and teaching them and having fun.
The same thing has happened with our 2nd born, whilst I loved baby and did everything I could the real connection didn't happen until they
Could interact with me
I don't think its me not being maternal as both kids were ivf and very much wanted, but I think some people can connect with babies and some people can't.
You might find that whilst you don't connect now once bub is able to interact it may change.
My hubby was awesome with baby age but struggles now with a 6 yr old who backchats where as I can handle it and discipline.
I think we are all different and can do different things with our kids and relate to them at different ages.
Please don't be hard on yourself hun
It could be it's worth speaking to a doctor. I think there's so many changes in the first years , sure newborn, but one, then two, then three , four, it just goes on there's new challenges, new realisations about what life as a parent is, and things like playing we just don't like doing all the time and at all.
Don't beat yourself up, kids can play with other kids, as long ad you engage with her in your way its OK. But feeling like she's better without you sounds like depression to me.
Please go and have a chat with your doctor. They will get you to do a test. I was diagnosed about 6 months into it. I would literally start crying at 3pm everyday and my son was like your daughter, the easiest baby to take care of, but something was just missing.
It came down to me having massive expectations of motherhood, a traumatic birth and recovery experience, minimal support and my life changing. I wish you luck.