I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago, I was 7 weeks. This was my 2nd pregnancy and it's taken me 3.5 years to finally make that decision to have another child. We got pregnant, i was happy but scared at the same time. Now I'm struggling to deal with everything, my emotions are all over the place. And to top everything off my husband won't talk about it (he's not a big talker anyways). He won't touch me, he's struggling to even cuddle me in bed. Last night we got intimate, i initiated it. Things were going great and then he just couldn't go any further. I kept telling him I'm fine. But it all stopped. I was shattered all i wanted was some affection, love, cos I've had none. So i guess my question is, is this normal for a man? And How can I shake these feelings that I lost the baby cos I took so long to decide on another and because I wasn't yet super excited.
How to deal with things after a miscarriage?
How to deal with things after a miscarriage?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Loss & Grief, Parenthood Guilt
2 Replies
Unfortunately many people forget that dads grieve the loss of their little one as much as the mum, but he doesn't often get the support and sympathy that she does.
When I suffered a miscarage my husband thought that he needed to be strong for my sake and he just didn't know how to talk to me about it and didn't think it would be fair to me to bring it up. He was worried about being intimate with me because he feared hurting me, because he couldn't face it without remembering the baby and afraid that he might've done something to cause the miscarriage (which he hadn't) or that there was some genetic fault in him that caused it.
It was a painful time for him and he didn't know how to even deal with his grief over a child he'd never held or seen.
He also felt pushed out and excluded by all the well-wishers who rushed to my side and never stopped to ask if he was alright.
Ultimately, it's only been 2 weeks. You both need more time to grieve before life gets back to normal. Give both you and him time and most of all compassion and understanding.
Yes he tells me he's fine but I don't believe him because he was so so excited about being pregnant. No one knew we were pregnant but I've had to tell our closest family and friends. But another set back for him is he hasn't been able to speak to his parents. They are away and not back for another 4 weeks, he doesn't wanna tell them while they are overseas. I do feel quite silly that loosing the baby at 7 weeks has made me this emotional. I feel like I should be stronger than this and it shouldn't affect me like it has. Thank you so much for your response.x