Hey everyone,
So this is a pretty intense question
I have recently met a man who I like.
We have spoken about our sexual fantasies and have decided that I am to be his submissive and he, my dominant.
I am very new to all of this and would just like some advise and tips on this situation.
How do others cope, is it dangerous, what should I know? What should I be aware of?
Thank you
10 Replies
I have no advice as Ive never been there but maybe watch 50 shades of grey?
Do not watch 50 shades of grey!! While I enjoyed the books and the movie was ok it is nothing like how a new BDSM relationship should be.
Yep, nothing like reality, in 50 shades he is just abusive and controlling nothing like what BDSM is
Take it really really slow. Don't spend more than a day a week with each other and build from there if you feel safe. It's really easy to loose yourself in relationships like that as they require you to be a 'yes' person. Which is all very good for a dirty weekend or a few hours. But not for living together!
Some couples make it work but that is where the dominant chooses not to be dominating! I found it exhausting after about 6 hours, and just craved normalcy.
Honestly please be careful. Make sure you don't allow this relationship to over take who you are as a person. Get to know the guy as a person first before you allow him to dominate you. If you haven't known him for a few months then there is no way you should trust him that much.
You also need to know how rough he likes sex. Dominating doesn't necessarily mean rough sex but the two often go hand in hand. Just as tying up etc. It takes a lot of trust, safety words etc and you need to know deep down inside of you say no, or use safe words or aren't ready that that's the end of that!
Ok first of all sit down with this man and have a deep open and honest chat of what both your expectations are, limits and rules you have.
You can google to your hearts content but everyone is different I'm sure what you will be doing will be different to others the best place to start would be with him.
Is this a time frame or will be the relationship? Safe words and don't do anything you don't like.
I could see this psychologically conditioning you if he's the wrong person.
My partner and I are like this :)
Yes it can get dangerous depending on what you do so have a safe word or a safe action.
Also make sure you agree on everything, don't do something you aren't comfortable with.
Most of all....have fun!
Before you venture and try it out get to know him better and talk about boundaries.
You need to sit down and discuss is this going to lead anywhere? Or is it purely fantasy. What you are willing to do, what you are NOT willing to do, (anal,fisting,hitting ect) - google it, watch 50 shades of grey ect. I would not enter in to anything like this untill i knew and understood the man well.
Date for a bit first to make sure there is some kind of spark and then slowly move into a BDSM type relationship. Once you go there have a safe word and have a list of hard limits (things you flat out wont do) and a list of soft limits (things that your unsure about doing) and make sure he communicates with you the whole session.. I think literotica.com have a q&a section you might be able to find information on