I need help. I shoplift. I don't know how to stop but I'm so so scared of getting caught. I take food. Every week. Without it I wouldn't have enough to feed my kids. I've applied for vouchers and coupons but there is always people who need it more. It's not like I take junk food or fun things. It's meat, or else they don't eat it. Vegetables. Whatever I need to keep my little ones fed. The amount of bills and debt I have, after my bills come out of my Centrelink play I have $48 one week and $39.20 the next to feed my kids. I don't drink, I don't smoke,
I don't party or buy myself new clothes. I don't know what else to do. I don't know what I'm asking here, I'm not looking for someone to say it's ok, I know it's not. I guess I needed to just get it off my chest. I feel terrible. My son caught me out today. He's 5. He said he would really love a birthday cake but knows I can't afford one. He said "I wish I could have a cake like other kids mum but I know you don't have any money so it's ok. I know you can't get me presents. I still love you"
I stole a $4.50 mudcake and a $2 candle. He said to me "mum I didn't see you pay, how did you buy that- it's ok, I won't tell the police on you" .
I've put him in a terrible position. I'm a terrible mum. Who can help? Who do I ask about this? I just don't know how to stop, how will I feed my kids??
Bad Mum Shoplifts
Bad Mum Shoplifts
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Mental Health, Sisterhood Stories, Kelly (IM2), Parenthood Guilt, Food, Health & Wellbeing, Behaviour, Kids, Money
39 Replies
Ok, what im reading is that you feel you have to do this, and because its food, its acceptable / a fact of life for you, a logical only solution. But can you find other solutions? My first thought is that bills and debt just have to wait, as you need to eat. You need to contact them and lower the repayments as you need enough left to feed youe family.
Secondly, can you do some cash work? If you do three hours cleaning, babysitting or lawnmowing you could make enough to really make a difference?
Another idea is to find the grocery boxes that charities put together. Theyre not means tested, just a value box of groceries for cheap. Theres also a van that goes around my area and they hand out whatever you need, bagloads, for free. Also not means tested, intended for those struggling of course.
I hope theres something helpful in there. I tink you know what youre risking by continuing this way, it isnt worth it if you can find any other way x
Ring up Centrelink and ask to speak to financial counsellor.
They can help you sort out the debt and get you into a more manageable place, they can negotiate with your creditors etc and help create a manageable budget. They can also help make sure you are accessing all the discounts etc available to you
Stop shoplifting.
Simple as that.
As for bills, pay off the minimum amount per week, enough to stop companies knocking on your door. (If you're paying, even a little, most are happy. If you also call and say "I'm currently in financial hardship, my child doesn't get food on the table because I need to pay bills", they will often help you out).
Go to salvos etc and you may be able to get a supermarket voucher. Use this to stock up on your basics - flour, frozen veg, meat, pasta, pasta sauce. But as much as you can that has a long shelf life, and stock your freezer. That way you will always have something. And the weekly shop won't be as huge.
Maybe if you post anonymously on here where you're located, there may be some lovely IMs that have spare pantry items they could give to you.
But please, stop stealing.
You don't want your son growing up thinking being a criminal is ok.
When you justify what you're doing in your head you have no reason to stop so stop justifying it. Food banks are popping up all over the place, bigger cities have free food sometimes. It might be past best before or almost at use-by but it's honest food and freezes well for the most part. Ask on FB, I often see posts where someone says they're having a tough week and asking if anyone has some spare food to get them by. Food co-ops, I've not found one here but thinking of starting one, you just get a group of people all willing to pitch in to buy in bulk at a cheaper price per unit - especially for fruit/veg/meat. As mentioned, go over your budget with a CL financial advisor, and be honest with them.
I felt sad reading this, that you have had to steal to feed your kids. I have also been in very challenging situations financially with very little spare money and it's so tough. What about My Budget? They do have fees but they take them out gradually and they actually budget your money for you so there is enough for everything. Is it possible to get some cleaning work for a few hours each day? Any extra income will help out to cover all expenses. If you have loans call them and ask for financial hardship and you may not have to pay for a while or just a small amount. This takes pressure off until you cAn find some work. The last thing you and your children need is you on stealing charges, best of luck xx
Hi Mum,
Time to declare yourself bankrupt on all these debts and from the sounds of it.
You may not be able to buy things on finance, but at least your not sending out more hard gotten money.
Speak to centrelink and vinnies about how you go about this.
You the reason these laws were created.
You definitely need to declare yourself bankrupt! You cannot get any kind of loan for 7 years after but it will be worth it by the sounds of it.
Actually its only 3 years now. The stigma of bankruptcy is not as bad as it used to be.
Contact Centrelink for free financial advice. Your ex couldn't transfer debt into your name without your consent given to the companies so if you didn't give consent then they have illegal contracts.
You need to contact child support to arrange for them to start an assessment and they can collect on your behalf.
A financial counsellor is available through Lifeline and there are ones you can ring as well. Speak to each company and pay the bare minimum.
Salvos offer meals for you and the kids.
If you want any help, letting us know which area you are located can help us point you in the right direction for help.
I've not heard of being turned away for food vouchers
Shoplifting is NOT the answer.
You need to ring a financial counsellor, they can speak to debt places for you, see abou moving to a cheaper place, area etc, you know what your doing isn't ok you've taken the first step take the second to get some help
My heart breaks reading that your son wanted a cake but knew you couldn't afford one. If you would send your address to I.M I'd love to send a small voucher. I don't want to identify myself on the wall though x
Reading this made me feel so sad for you. I have also been in a similar place. My ex left me with debt I just couldn't pay. I declared bankruptcy (single mum of 2, with no intention of needing credit) it was roughly 20k maybe a bit more.
Best thing I did!
Just over 1 year left and I'm out of bankruptcy, it's 3 yrs and 1 day, obviously it stays on my record for a few years longer.
Bankruptcy is not as bad as it sounds, especially when you have nothing and can't afford to feed your family. You can download the forms off the internet, fill them out and send them off. The relief you feel is instant and you will be able to breath and give your kids and yourself some love and basic needs xx best of luck Mumma ❤️
If that is all your bills then no I would say not to go bankrupt. Depending what state your in there is grants to help with electricity and gas. Look into them. There are food banks try churches ect. Explain to Austar and your company you are in financial hardship. They have to accept whatever payment you offer them. Even if its $5 per week. Food and Rent are the most important things you need to pay. Then pay what you can on the rest.
I've been there, I'm still scrapping myself out of it. You would be best to stop paying these all and getting your family food and basic needs. Have them sent to a debt collector or declare bankruptcy. Are you really going to be in a position to get any kind of loan in the next 7 years anyway? It doesn't sound like. I'm in a similar situation and it's not even in the realm of possibility. I find it difficult to believe that vinnies isn't helping. I've got a friend who doesn't have it as bad as you and has received help from them. Look up your local community fb page, mine has a local food drive that helps out struggling families, your community might have something similar. You'll get through this.
Go to your local community centres with your bills and they can help you with stuff and they also do food vouches as well
Could you post what area you are in? I'm sure there are lots of Mum's that would love to help you!
The school can give you a hand also, and not charge you fees, special needs or private have these in place to help out single parents.
As a mum, and also a pensioner i can understand your plight....but there are so many community organisations that offer food relief and even help with bills....if you live in Brisbane i could give you the names of these places....also if you lived in Brisbane i would be happy to make you a cake for your children birthdays for free...cakes are a hobby of mine :) Private message me on FB if you want to chat
Prioritise bills!!!! Only you can change this situation!
Centrelink pays approximately $800/900 a WEEK for FOUR kids and two are special need so carers payments are available which pays you more (its about $600 a week for 2 kids). I'm not quite sure how you can struggle on those sorts of payments
Get rid of the internet, no home phone.. get a prepaid mobile.. no private health, sadly rehome the animals... all of these are extras and bonuses. There are many things that people nowadays think are 'needed' but are not.
Foodbanks are awesome. Example: $50 for a trolley full of food.
You can do a debt consolidation!! It rolls all your debts into one and you pay it back at a lower interest rate.
Get back to basics! Shop no name brands. How much rent do you pay? Can you move to a cheaper suburb. Get a housemate or move in with family to get back on top of things. Maybe a part time job. Do ironing or houseclean for people.
I would also like to help, is there any way we can get the poster's details please. Also, can you post your children's ages /genders.
I recently heard of someone working off debt by working with an agency, like a family service. Might be worth a try ?
Thinking of you xox
Thankyou IM. Much love back to you, I've posted a update and link below xx
Wow...
My heart breaks for you and your kids ?
It's horrible that you and your children have to go through this.
Unfortunately I know exactly what you mean, I live in a very small town, 5,000 people. We have one vinnies and I asked for help once and was rejected. Meanwhile 5 minutes later the biggest drug user in town walked out with $200 worth of electricity vouchers, and they carried 2 boxes of food and 1 box of toys to her car.
Wrong or right I'm not judging you because I know just how hard and cruel this world can be. But please, please accept some help from all the ladies offering and find a more legal solution.
As someone else mentioned, you can usually claim hardship and access your super.
Those are really high debts for utilities though - I wonder if you maybe need to call Legal Aid or similar because it's a bit strange that your ex husband could transfer debt to your name. Typically the service / contract can be transferred but all bills incurred under the previous name stay with that person. And as harsh as this sounds, if those "debts" or bills you have aren't in your name, stop paying them. If they are in your name or you were the person who took out the accounts, speak with all of them to negotiate payment arrangements. Even the school. Especially the school. Foxtel (who own Austar) have a Financial Hardship policy and I'm not sure who your phone/internet are with but my providers (Internode & Telstra) have one of these policies too. They all also advertise free financial counselling on 1800 007 007.
You have the internet. I would recommend shopping online, even if you click to collect. After the kids go to bed, you can log on to whatever website you have near you (eg Coles or Woolworths unless you're so regional you don't have either of them in your area and see what you can do with the budget you've got. You'd be surprised how far you can stretch your budget out.
Except. I see that you've got no actual fridge / storage places for food because you "sold them to pay the bills". I say this with kindness but you absolutely have to stop making knee jerk decisions. I know you feel backed into a corner and in some ways you are. But you still have mass bills, you would have gotten nowhere near the amount you paid back for the fridge (or what a new one will cost) and you now can't do bulk food which makes it hard to stretch your budget out further.
I just did a quick look on the Coles website (admittedly for a metro area) and am at $26.58 for:
>> 900g Oats - this will make breakfast for weeks. You can make porridge with just oats & water. So cheap, so nutritious and filling.
>> 750g "Kids Pack" Bananas for snacks
>> 500g Beef Mince
>> Whole Chicken
>> 2 Tins Lentils (virtually any meal you can make with mince can be made with lentils or chickpeas and you can hardly tell it's not meat)
>> 2 onions
>> 2kg Frozen Veg
>> 3 Potatoes
>> Zucchini (helps stretch out dishes like mince or lentils further and goes great in a slice with egg)
>> 12 Eggs (you could get 6 and save $1.40)
>> Chocolate Cake Mix w/Icing
So based on that there's still over $10 wiggle room to get some herbs, spices, tinned tomatoes, cheese etc. It's tight, there's no denying that, but it's doable. If you had a way to store the stuff you buy. Scour Gumtree etc for a working but free fridge or, if your credit rating is ok and you absolutely have to, look at Radio Rentals etc. Apparently you can get a fridge for about $7-$8/wk with free delivery. I know you don't think you have the money but your limited grocery budget is going to go further if you're not relying on a bar fridge - you'll get more out of $40 & $30 being able to properly store food than you do out of $48 and $39. You'll be able to make things in bulk but rotate around what you're eating for variety, use frozen produce, keep meat, shop once instead of multiple times etc.
Good luck.
I'd like to help too - inbox me :-)
I've been in your situation debt wise before but I was pregnant and couldn't work (high risk), he left and I had nearly $10,000 in bills he racked up. Once I had been on a Centrelink payment for at least 26wks I could claim financial hardship and access my superannuation for the specific amount I owed. There is alot of paperwork, and you must have hard copies of the bills you owe (I phoned all the companies and got copies sent to me). I also had to consolidate my superannuation into one fund as you can only access a lump sum payment of up to $10,000 from one company. It took a month or so and lots of sending documents back and forth but was so worth it! Keep in mind you have to pay tax on it, so when applying for an amount, work out the tax (super fund will tell you the percentage) and add it onto your debt amount, I think I paid about $1800 in tax but I claimed the whole lot back the year after on my tax return. I'm sorry your in this rough patch, but know that it will get better. Hope the info helps :)
I want to help, pm me.
Thankyou so much IM. I've posted a update and link below from help from my sons school.
Look up Christians Against Poverty Australia. They have a Facebook page. They are a Christian organisation that help to get local (Australian) families out of debt and provide assistance to struggling families. They are amazing. You do not have to be a Christian to get help and they will help you to learn how to get out of debt and manage your money and stay debt free. I have a friend who went through them and they really helped her.
Another idea is to go to a local charity or church like Salvation Army or St Vincent de Paul, etc for assistance. They can often provide you with food and things in emergencies to get you by but it isn't a long term solution.
I do wish you all the best and applaud you for seeking help, it is a good start.
Just to clarify, I didn't sell my fridge, my ex took it. I consider Townsville a country town, I have no family, they turned their backs on us because they hated my husband. My mum since died. I've spoken to some of the companies and I'm paying the bills $5 a week but I am on a blacklist? now.
Please contact Christians against poverty.
I work in community services and gave seen the great work they do.
They can get debt reduced, wiped, all or a portion allocated to your ex, help accessing super and emergency payments. They are truly amazing.
I've lived in Townsville for over 25 years and grew up there when it actually was like a country town but it most definitely is not like that anymore. Country towns don't have massive overpasses and taking over half an hour to drive from one side to the other doesn't qualify as a country town either. They also have the biggest army base which usually receives a massive influx of newbies each year. Townsville is the biggest urban centre north of the Sunshine Coast and has over 230,000 residents with 78 new residents each week.
I feel you're being dishonest with us as you would get more than enough from Centrelink each week and utilities will not take that much from you if they know your situation.
Being on a blacklist shouldn't matter if you're kids are being fed, getting things on loan or credit is not a priority. There are at least 5 places you can call each week, almost daily, to get food vouchers and even clothes for your kids.
Honestly it sounds as though you want hand outs with out sacrificing things you obviously class as necessities.
I myself used these services on a weekly basis for around two years as a single parent and a lot of them will even bring the vouchers to your home. You need to look at government housing also as that will help out a lot, I use to pay $120 a week for a 3 bedroom house.
My fiancé works 7 days a week now and I only receive FTB on a fortnightly basis which means even though he works more than full time hours, you still get more than us on a weekly basis. We pay $400 a week rent and have 3 children including a newborn to support and saving for a holiday. It can be done if you want to make it work.
I'm sorry but this post made me quite angry once I read that you think of Townsville as a country town as it's more like Brisbane than a country town and is one of the fastest growing towns in Australia. That alone made me think, what else are you exaggerating about? If you want help, you need to be honest with the people you want help from. And also the fact that your little boy already sees you stealing as not such a big deal that you've probably justified it to him which is setting him up to do it in the future. All that said I do hope you take these things on board and get the help you need, both financially and emotionally as there seems to be more going on than you've let on.
Thankyou so much for all the wonderful offers of help, I'm truly amazed and honoured that you all would be so generous. My kids school librarian has helped me. I just wanted to let you know that I went back and paid for the cake and candle and explained my actions. They agreed not to take it further and are going to have a staff member with me each shop. I know it doesn't make it right, but I hope that it helps. Thankyou so so so so much imperfect mums. I couldn't have done this without you.
Help me help you IM. What can I do???
I'm a single mum and before my son started prep this year I was a SAHM with a lot of bills and child support was helping too... I one week only had $60 to get food but I had absolutely nothing and that wasn't gonna cut it... So I stole. Not just one thing but I loaded up a fully trolley load and walked out... $345 and a undercover police tapping on my shoulder... I had my finger prints done and had to go to court - I've NEVER stolen anything since. Big mistake that was, but I was so so so desperate.
I didn't know of any charities or help back then and my family had loaned me enough that I couldn't possibly ask for more help from them.
I now, 3yrs later am still a single mum, but I work for myself. I have an ABN etc and things are going extremely smoothly.
It'll take time but you can do it. It's hard.
Call the debt companies and see if you can change the amount to less so you can survive! I also lived off $48 and $27 each week after everything was paid. It was horrible, but I managed and I got somewhere. You can too.
Good luck mama. I feel your pain and frustration but it gets better - stealing isn't worth it.
Ps. Buy him a cheap cake mix and get him to help make it. You can also get Lego from Kmart for $5!
Good luck !!!
I work for Woolworths and all my managers have always said they would rather people not steal and come to them and say I'm hungry I need help and they will give them a bag of groceries, then one day it happened and they did it put your pride away and ask :) everyone needs help in life
Hi Mummy
What a shitty place u find yourself in.
It can be so hard to make the money stretch but stealing and setting the wrong example for your kids isn't the answer hun. No matter how we want to justify it.
Your ex husband can not just change the services into your name so call the companies out on this, it's illegal and against all service provider privacy policies.
Those bills are both your responsibility up until he walked out, and they know this.
Not sure if your country town has a Centrelink but if they do go and see a financial counsellor... They can make sure u are getting everything you are entitled to and they can also re-adjust your payments for your essential services.
They can also call on your behalf and with your permission and ask for debt forgiveness.
Swallow that pity party and don't let the bastard turn you into something your not.
Don't let him win by doing something you clearly regret.
I've donated a little to your go fund me account, if you would like to email me an address I would be happy to post some things to you or maybe organise to have some groceries delivered if they do that in your area. Well done for asking for help, it's such a hard thing to do.
I would love to help you. Please pm me ☺️
Perhaps try getting a part time job.