Hi Mums,
has anyone had 50/50 care or thereabouts, of an infant?
I have a 4 month old baby and I'm really struggling and wondering if it's in my daughters best interests to live with her father 50/50 ? He would happily agree. I currently have her 100% of the time.
I have 3 older children (8,6,2) to a previous partner and I have full time care of them but I'm really struggling with the baby...
Part of me thinks it would be best, as I would be a happier mum all round, but the other part says no that I should suck it up and soldier on because she's better off with me here... I'm so confused, I honestly think it would make life so much easier, but I don't know if it's the right thing to do...
anyone been in this situation? did it work??
I worry about the impact of her in a 50/50 arrangement, but I'm not coping the way things are and all my kids are suffering ?
4 Replies
it depends a lot on how you arrange it. I think week on week off is not appropriate. It wouldn't be great for bonding with either parent. But I don't see why baby couldn't be with you during the day, and with dad in afternoon/evening/overnight. So it would become almost like dad dropped baby and daycare, instead it would be your place.
I assume dad works so if you did do traditional 50/50 care that would mean baby could end up being shunted between you, Dad and daycare.
Personally I think you are thinking a bit black and white if you are struggling with 100% care why would you jump straight to 50/50. There are a lot of percentage points in between. Why are you currently doing 100% care?
Also worth having a discussion with your GP about how you are feeling.
I agree with the other poster. I wouldn't do blocked 50/50 but if the father picked the baby up after work for a few hours every day played and bathed her etc and then went home to sleep with you. And for a few hours each day on the weekends I think that's fair. Thsts basically what he would see her if you were still together (going off me and my husband. He goes to work and then does stuff around the house and visits people on weekends so as far as proper one on one time that's about the same amount of time!) A 4 month old needs her mum, honestly. Once she gets older you can reevaluate.
That primary care giver bond is so very crucial at this stage, I agree with the above posters, don't go 50/50, do the arrangements they are suggesting.
Ive read an infant needs a primary carer and it makes sense doesnt it. Of course your health is important too. If youre struggling dont make any big decisions. Once you get a break and back on top you might feel differently, might find all you need is one night a week.