Hello ladies, Ive been in a relationship for 5 years now we have a one yr old son.
We have never ever fought thru our relationship tho we have put up with some crazy battles with his entire drug crazed family for years, putting us both thru misery, they are completely out of the picture now (his choice)
Now we are in a position where we should be more than happy, but he's constantly speaking to me with an attitude and arguing over nothing, everything i do i do it wrong. He's not verbally or physically abusive he never ever has been and he is an incredible father i couldn't ask for better. But he's also an addict to ice. He has been since he was 15 years old. And has been off and on it.
He was off it for a long time until the last 6 months its been a daily thing, money for its not a problem, he controls his habit well (sounds stupid i know) but he can afford what he smokes... But its changed the person that he is, and he's become depressed. Very depressed. To the point he said hell drive a car into a tree over a lost wallet. (We found it)
He thinks its all me, me being grumpy and bitchy and always arguing with him. Which is true but its only because of how he speaks to me lately. Even if it was me I've helped myself I'm seeing a psych and Ive told him if it doesn't change i will leave (which i desperately do not want to do) but he has to stop for me and our son. Ive mentioned rehab a number of times. The GP has known us for years and knows all about his problems but at this point he wants ME to help him "wean off it" which isn't an option. It doesn't work like that... He thinks I'm joking when i tell him i will leave.
The worst part will be when he does get off it... The withdrawals, this is where he will be at his worst. And i refuse to subject our son to it. It takes roughly 2 weeks. He has nobody he can stay with during that time.
One second hell be arguing with me and the next minute he will want kisses.
Ive lost alot of affection for him, i feel i have a lot of resent for him. He just makes me so angry, we cant do anything without in turning into a fight.
We lost our 2nd baby recently and things haven't been good since then really. Thats when it went downhill.
What do i do? Im stuck for options. Im worried that if it gets worse hell attempt to take his life. It runs in his family.
Please help ?
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6 Replies
I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been there and have the certificate. You need to leave. You can't keep your child around him while he is like this. It's not safe. You have to save your child!
You staying will not prevent him from committing suicide, if he is going to do it, he is going to do it. You can not monitor him 24/7 and make sure everything goes his way. It's impossible! Eventually something is going to go wrong again and he will threaten suicide wether you stay or wether you go!
You helping him wean off drugs will not solve the problems because drugs are his coping mechanism for life. So until he gets proper treatment he will keep returning to drugs because he has no coping mechanisms for life.
He will not get help until you leave, you can not fix him, you are not a drug counsellor or DR PHIL.
Leaving might make him realise that he needs to take getting clean seriously, leaving will protect your child from harm, and will protect you from harm.
Your child needs at least one healthy, sane parent and that won't happen if you stay.
To add this is learnt behaviour from his family. Don't allow your child to learn this behaviour.
Leave. You owe your child that.
Make it clear that it's rehab, or you leave.
When he says you're just bluffing, grab a bag of clothes and walk out the door.
If your son was in your position , would you want him to take his child and leave his ice addict girlfriend, or put up with it.
And he is abusing you.
Emotional abuse.
You owe it to your child to break his families cycle of drug addicts. Its time to leave as much as you love him you need to think about your self and your child. You may find when he reaches rock bottom he may get help. But you need to protect your child first and formost
If you're threatening to leave him because you know that's what'll break him, then do it. He keeps using because you're not following through so of course he doesn't believe you're serious.
I had to take my 5 young children and leave my husband because of his ice and gambling addiction. 3 times in a year I left him and stayed with my mother for several weeks each time. He would always threaten to harm himself if I didn't come home- a manipulative tactic addicts use I later discovered.
The next time I found out he was using I actually started secretly applying for rental homes to leave for good. He soon caught on to what I was doing and broke down crying and begging me not to go. The reality hit him and he hit rock bottom.
He's been clean for 14 months.
Ice is the worst fucking drug on the planet. It destroys lives, it tears families apart, and it creates monsters who will never be the same person. They literally have to have nothing left to realise how bad they've become. Thankfully he never harmed me or the children.
My husband is not the same person he was. He has severe depression, paranoia and horrid mood swings. He has more good days than bad though. It has changed me too. It took me a long time to trust him again, and I still get suspicious and paranoid when any of his behaviour changes. We just take it one day at a time.
Good luck to you, I hope you can find a way out of this toxic situation x
You sound like a very strong and brave lady, I hope he comes out better on the other side.