Hi Sisterhood!
Where do i start.. I want another baby but i'm scared. My only child, my son is 19 months and the pregnancy and up until about 3 months ago was hell. My partner and i got pregnant after only being together 7 months. We were living together at the time but he was unemployed as a job fell through. He had been playing around on me in the beginning and cheated with this particular girl around 4 times and was a bit of a player. I had suspected something was up due to seeing a few suspect texts but he told me nothing was going on and it was all in my head. A few months later i asked him to stop because i thought it was disrespectful. He told me he'd stop but he didn't. I worked for a phone company and checked his account and saw that he had been calling and texting everyday with her. so i ended up telling him that i knew he was lying and i had the proof and could he either cut all contact and we be together or he can continue his (what i thought at the time was an emotional affair) meaningless, just for attention flirting with her and i was on the first plane back home. He cut all ties with her, i asked him if he physically cheated and he said no. A month after that i found out i was pregnant, when i was deciding whether or not to keep the baby as we'd only been together a short while and i had the feeling in my gut about his lying and whether or not i wanted to spend my life tied to this man i asked him again if he cheated physically he said no. Anyway we decided to keep the baby and i had really bad pre natal depression and because of the depression and the gut instinct i had i couldn't let this chick go and asked him on nearly a daily basis if he cheated and he started getting more and more angry and told me i was psycho, and that i was making it all up in my head. We hardly spoke through my pregnancy, we were living together, he was working but i was crazy insecure and i knew he was lying so i was feeling betrayed and our intimacy was completely gone. So i have my son and i suffered really bad post natal depression, psychotic even and i was really struggling with being a mum, my relationship failing and with the lies. When my son was 3 months old i lied and told him that she had contacted me via facebook and told me everything and he came clean. He told me everything. I skitzed out. and i went off the rails for a week or so. The insecurity got wrse after that, he was all about rebuilding our relationship and wanting to do counselling so we could fix it and i was all about hating him for ruining my life. fast forward a year, after numerous counselling sessions, long talks about why it happened, why he lied, him putting up with completely no respect and PND psychotic outbursts and substance (painkillers) abuse from me , and my seeing a psych and being diagnosed with PND and going on medication, things finally started to heal. We've been getting better everyday, the trust is back, the love is back, the attraction is back and the crazy is gone. I love my life and my family now, i love how my partner and i are bestfriends now. Its been a long hard road. But i want another baby, i want my son to have a sibling but i'm terrified. I take seroquel 25mg daily. Im scared if i go off my meds i'm going to fall back into depression and my relationship is going to go bad again and i'm going to go crazy again. I want to enjoy pregnancy like other mums and enjoy my newborn... anyone else been in this situation?
3 Replies
Ok honestly, you guys aren't ready for another child YET. You are in the honey moon period of 'recovery'. Keep working on that relationship, make sure things are stable for you both as a couple and individually for another 12 months at least. That will give you time to speak to your prescribing doctor about future medication options during pregnancy and what the risks are medically for you.
Waiting another 12 months won't ruin anything and won't effect the relationship between your son and any future siblings, but it could make all the difference to wether this next baby is born into a happy, calm, healthy family versus a toxic nightmare that nobody can really enjoy.
I've been on seroquel 50 mg for 5 years, I only had the one psychotic episode. I don't know if it is doing anything for me or not to be honest, but i haven't stopped taking it. From your post, your child is only 19 months, I think you should give it another year to recover mentally, it just seems a bit early to me. Enjoy the good times you are having now with your partner, don't put any more stress on you guys at this point.
I think you should wait!! Like really wait. Make sure your relationship will definitely be salvaged before you bring another child into the world. You have only had 3 months of good relationship after ALL THAT TIME of cheating, lies, and crazy.