End of friendship?
This is kind of long.. I am sorry...
My best friend lives far away and is always moving with her partner and toddler.. the recently moved a smidge closer but still a long long way away (a few days drive).. she's told me numerous times that they are coming to visit but it never eventuates..
Finally, they came to my town for a week... I had several messages from her saying they were staying with another family in a holiday apartment not far from where we live but had absolutely no plans and wanted to see us and meet our baby whenever and wherever suited us... she messaged the day they arrived saying that again, so I suggested a meet up te next day once they settled in... crickets.. no reply. I rang her that night, no answer, I text again the next morning.. nothing, I facebooked her - no reply.. which REALLY hurt because I could see she had been online. I started to get worried.. had they been in an accident? Was someone sick? I phoned again and left a voicemail just saying I was worried.. text the same thing.. nothing! The following arvo I heard from her.. she said she'd been busy but again, apart from one day they had no plans and were excited to see us.. I sent back a reply suggesting another meet up... f***ing crickets! No reply.. again!!!
Feeling pretty annoyed and like a fool.. I left it.
The following night I missed a call from her partner.. he sent a text saying let's organise a catch up but he'll keep it a secret so she gets an awesome surprise.. I'll be honest, I wasn't too keen especially considering I'd wiped my days cleans so I could see her only to be ignored, but she was my 'best friend' so I put that aside and said fabulous let's do that.. tell me when and where... and wouldn't you know it... CRICKETS! No reply from him either?! Even though he had just suggested it!
It's been a few days since then and still no contact from them.. I've sent them one last message asking when they leave because I hadn't heard from them and of course.. crickets! I'm pretty sure they leave tomorrow.
I guess my question is, do I cut all ties now? I mean I guess the obvious answer is yes.. she was in my wedding, I was to be in hers except it didn't go ahead (she eloped instead) we've always been there for each other so this just hurts.. I thought we were best friends but how can she be if she can just ignore me like this after telling me time and time again how excited she was to see us and have our children meet?
What would you do??
9 Replies
I find people who do that so frustrating!
I wouldn't bother 'cutting her out' but I wouldn't go to any effort either. By that I mean, who cares if you are friends on Facebook but I wouldn't be chasing her, agreeing to meet her, texting her etc.
I have a friend who used to do a similar thing to me.
Thank you for your reply.
I just feel like such a fool.. for so long I thought of her as a best friend - gosh I sound like I'm in high school.. I'm in my bloody 30's!! Maybe that's why it's so hard to understand why she'd do this?! :-(
I agree just stop making effort , she doesn't deserve it . If in the future she does it again don't change anything in your schedule just offer what you might have available .... I would tend to agree with the other response as well that it sounds like something is up .... very fishy behaviour . She might know that you would pick it up , whatever it is , since u know her well so avoiding u is easier then explaining ? Do u talk on the phone much ? It email ? Or not really a lot of contact anyway ?
If it really plays in your mind maybe you could write to her at some point and ask what's going on because it doesn't make sense !?
What's her partner like ? Could there be Dv ? Or drug use ? Or ...???
I started to worry about her partner, DV, drug use, emotional abuse etc.. I contacted a mutual friend of ours and asked if she knew anything because I was worried.. she knows him quite well and said that is anyone was 'controlling' it was her over him...
my friend had actually called and text this mutual friend of ours lots while here in my town.. so no chance of lost phone, she was also able to see that they were visiting other people not far from us after they left (a few hours down the road).. worst of all, to get back home they'd have to have driven back through my town again.,. I tried contacting her again and nothing. So I'll leave it now..
still seems odd that her husband contacted me and then didn't reply..
I have a family of my own to look after, as they say... reason, season or lifetime..
Yeah somethings up. Maybe shes ashamed or embarrassed of her life or looks or relationship and not ready to show you, or doing something that makes her useless soon after she wakes up. Drinking or drugs. Moving frequently and not making a visit happen that she wants are signs of money issues to me. whatever it is though its not you its her.
And from all my long distance friendships yes they dry up when this happens. But then can change again in time. Keep the door open who knows what will happen in the future.
Maybe she suffers from anxiety and is finding it hard to communicate properly with you. I have chronic anxiety, which not a lot of people know about.. and there have been times I have done what your friend has done to you.. to people I know.. not because I didn't want the relationships, but out of fear anxiety and depression. I have suffered from it for years.. without opening up to others or allowing them to see what I have been going through. I have only recently had my doctor diagnose me and help me understand why I react this way sometimes. Maybe instead of dropping the friendship, go see her and see if she will open up to you.. she might need you more than you know xx
Thank you for your reply. I can certainly appreciate where you are coming from. However in this case, I don't believe it to be the case for her. I know they have returned home now... and I sent another message asking for their address (to post a gift I'd purchased for her) and she still didn't reply...
Did you try actually calling her? Or, if you know where they are staying - pop around and see what the story is.
I sure did trying actually calling her, left voicemails too!
I didn't know where they were staying so I couldn't go to check up on her.