I have 2 young children, 3 and 4 and their father and I have had an on and off relationship. We've lived apart since our youngest was born and found we get along better apart. Neither of us has seen anyone else. For the last 6 months we've been basically dating each other, daily phone calls, see each other a few times a week, take the kids out for dinner now and then, no overnight stays.
As Christmas approaches I've been a bit offended by not being invited to his large family Christmas lunch. 40 plus people, boyfriends, girlfriends, grand children nieces and nephews but not me. Since the birth of our 3 year old I've never been included. Our children go every year without fail while I'm at home alone. I normally have a tonne of things to do so haven't minded in the past but as our children get older I'm upset that I miss out on seeing the joy and excitement they have at Christmas at their dads families house. (And by the way they are loaded so there's no expense spared) Yesterday his mum asked me what my plans were for Christmas lunch and I said, nothing as usual just at home (My parents are dead). She didn't say anything, no invite, no mention to pop over for a drink if I felt like it.
I approached the subject with the kids dad and he said I'm being ridiculous and should just show up. Mind you he never invited me or said we are a family, you're coming with your family to Christmas lunch at my mums place.
I moved here because his family is here, don't have anyone I know well enough to spend Christmas with and every year it just gets harder.
My mum died a week before Christmas a few years back so this is always a sad time of year but he just doesn't understand how hard it is for me not to be included.
I'll also add that I include their dad and his mum in everything, birthday parties, kids concerts, family fun day events but not once have I ever received an invite in return.
I've been in tears since the conversation with his mum and just can't understand why they won't include me. It's really breaking me.
Am I over reacting?
Am I over reacting?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Loss & Grief, Kids
3 Replies
Ok, I think this stems from your unclear 'relationship definition'. You need to get that sorted out pronto. Are you together or aren't you? Personally I wouldn't be keen on having someone's on again off again partner/not partner, we date/but don't do sleep overs etc to Christmas lunch! They are from a very different generation, and they don't know what to do with that.
Plus what do they do, invite you and then hope you are still together on Christmas Day, so they don't have to spend Christmas Day feeling awkward.
But honestly, they shouldn't have to invite you, your partner/not partner should ask them if it's ok for you to come and then he should invite you! It's not fair for your in laws to work out what's the right thing in this very, very tricky situation.
But honestly, if he isn't prepared to do that, then you need to stop 'seeing him' because he is using you!
I should also add that x wives and x girlfriends are invited, eg: mothers of other grand children that have new partners and husbands.
Well then I'd say your partner/not partner is the issue here. It's up to HIM to invite you