Hi everyone.
Im looking at changing my sons name to my maiden name. My ex husband and i are seperated and divorce is almoat final. I have met a new amazing man and plan to have a child with him in the near future. I want all of my children to have the same name as me. The isuue is that my ex told me he would sign the name change papers but is now refusing. He has little to no contact with my son and hasnt seen him in over 7 months. What can i do to get my sons name changed?
Surname change
Surname change
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Sisterhood Stories, Kids
7 Replies
Dont change it. He is still your exes son. You may marry your partner and change names and then your son is left with a different name to everyone.i have 5 kids. 3 to my ex and twins with my new partner. I use my maiden name and the kids all have their dads name.
They didn't divorce anyone so i don't see why their name should change.
You need him to sign it to change. Depending how old he is seven months is not long and it could be best to leave his name as its his identity now.
you can't do it without his permission, I went through the same thing when I was a child. You can have a 'preferred name' at school etc but it just complicates things. My mum went ahead and put her surname on everything of mine even though it wasn't legally changed, including my tax file number and super etc when I started working. It was a nightmare trying to get it back into my legal name later on as I was basically using a fake name.
You don't mention your sons age but this happened when I was in primary school and then I had every kid asking me why my name changed and it always upset me talking about my dad so I used to go home and cry about it. I wish my mum never changed it.
I'm now 26 and married so my name changed anyway and I got back in touch with my dad when I was 16, we now have an amazing relationship and have been running a business together for 7 years.
My older brother however changed his own surname legally when he turned 18 so it was his own choice, he also has a good relationship with our dad again but since everything was in my mothers maiden name he just thought it was easier to change it legally rather than do what I did.
I'm a bit puzzled here - even if he has no contact with your son I do not understand why you need to change his name. Depending on your son's age this last name may be well ingrained in your child's identity by now, to change it I feel is selfish. So what if your kid has a different surname to you? It happens a lot. Why don't you hyphenate yours instead of changing your kid's? My hubby's ex did that when she remarried so she and her first child (my husband's son) would share a name as well as her kids with her second hubby.
You have only just finalised your divorce and you want to change your child's name? It's only been seven months since he has seen him, you can hardly erase him from your sons life yet. Visitation is usually erratic after a divorce but once the dust settles, you may come to an agreement on regular visitation, this was the case with me. Just because you have met a new bloke and want to have another baby, doesn't mean you get to pretend your first sons father never existed. How old is the child? Is it a part of his identity? Will it hurt him to lose his father's name? You can't just substitute one dad for another, I'm sure your child has a connection with his real dad? I don't know your circumstances but just some food for thought. Take it slow with the new bloke, your son probably needs time to adjust to not seeing his dad and getting used to the separation. Good luck.
Just because you divorced it, doesn't mean your kids have. Why do you care if they have different surnames? Are you embarrassed because you think people will car and not thing your a family unit? His kid so his last name. Until the kids older enough to decide
I don't see why children shouldn't have their mother's surname. Taking a man's name is an antiquated system of possession and control.
Getting said man to sign will be tricky. I suggest a very softly softly approach, over time, and do not mention the new partner or your plans of more children. You need to sell the idea to your ex. Talk about it from your child's perspective, as being a positive, with school and what not.
If you see a counsellor, ask them for advice as to how best approach it.
If he won't budge, don't make it a big deal, stay calm, he may come around in his own time, if not, you need to accept it. He might be really struggling with getting divorced, the loss of life as he knew it, and don't create more stress for your child, sounds like he's experienced massive changes already. Getting a new name now might not be the best thing for him.
And finally, if your son is really uncomfortable with his dad's surname (for whatever reason that might be) and while it is his legal name, he can be known as your surname until he is old enough to change it to whatever he likes