My current partner is in a very difficult situation.
He had raised a daughter for five years with doubts of her not being biologically his. He had unprotected sex with the mother in august 2009 she told him in September she was pregnant and due april 2010 but she gave birth in januray 2010. It was a downhill spiral after that she claimed she was premature he didnt attend any appointments with the midwife because he was working so he had no clue. He just wasnt smart about the whole thing and struggled. Despite this at the back of his mind he supported and raised her, but constant arguements came up about his doubts until finally she gave in and admitted that he isnt the father 5 years later.
They broke up, trying to cut this long story short he cut ties with the mother and child yet she refuses to tell the biological father (who my partner and his ex know ) and allow him to have a relationship with her and take responsibility.
She claims her daughter only has 1 dad and thats my partner because he raised her. (Despite the fact that he raised her based on a lie)
She has recently messaged my partner asking him to sign off on a name change since he signed the birth cert of course.
My partner doesnt want anything to do with this even though he had a connection with this child raised her like his own he felt it best for her to know the truth about her real father which meant excluding himself from the picture. But the mother isnt quite getting it.
So we are now in the process of trying to get him removed from the birth cert which we know involves a DNA test.
Does anyone know anything about correcting a birth cert in these circumstances?
My partners parents still see the child regularly would it be illegal to obtain a dna test without the mothers consent?as we know she will make the process extremely difficult.
Any help on this would be extremely helpful !
16 Replies
I think you really need to go to court. It's the only way to get this sorted. Go make an appointment with legal aide. Even if he isn't entitled for on going legal aid funding they can point you in the right direction.
I find it highly unlikely that a private DNA test under these circumstances will be acceptable I suspect that a DNA test through a court approved testor will be needed.
Best to cross your T's and dot your I's in these circumstances.
I think the mother sounds a little unstable and it wouldn't surprise me if she tried to back track so best to go through formal channels.
I suspect courts will need to be involved in amending the birth certificate either way.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply we'll definitely look into legal aide as well as going through formal channels instead.
Breaks my heart that he doesn't want anything to do with his daughter (that's how she's been raised) At 5/6 years old she must be so confused!!! I really hope this doesn't cause her too much pain.
Hi,
Sorry i had to cut this long story short so there are a lot of details missing. But it definitely wasnt a snap decision. It was a journey of still trying to co parent despite the truth coming out because he didnt know how to let go of her. But a lot of things happened , a lot where her mother put the father responsibility on him when it suited her as opposed to what was best for her daughter. He is hoping that taking himself out of the picture, will confuse her less when she is older because he and her mother are not together and she also has a new spouse. Its heartbreaking, and all we do is pray that her mother will come to her senses and do what is right by her child, because all this confusion is really due to a bad decision she made and not wanting to put in the work to fix it.
1. You don't just cut her out, he maintains a relationship with this little girl.
2. He clearly tells the little girl he isn't her actual father, but he chooses to be, no confusion for the little girl. He also says his parents are not blood nana and pop, but again, choose to be.
3. You contact the biological father, tell him everything and maybe he will do DNA, or if not, you proceed with going to court and doing it.
4. Everything you do must be in the best interests of that little girl, not you and not your partner.
5. I understand it wasn't your partner's fault, but he needs to step up, face this and make this right for this little 5 year old girl. No consideration to what the mother wants kept a secret, you advocate for this little girl.
6. If his parents continue to love and have a relationship with this little girl and he cuts her off, there will be serious ramifications as she gets older understands what your partner has chosen to do. Can he live with that, because it won't be pretty. If you have talked him into walking away, he will really resent you down the track when she starts asking questions.
Good luck, tough situation, but you have the power to make it right.
Nothing you have said in you further explanation above justifies your partner's actions.
Sorry, but no. The second this Child is proven not his, any responsibility to be concerned for the child falls on her lying mother. These parents as just as much victims as the child. That does not obligate them to continue contact.
There what's legally correct and there is what is morally correct. He did, she did, he said, she said....doesn't matter, this is a 5 year old girl. Obligate, what a word to choose when discussing the heart of a 5 year old girl. Yes he no longer has any obligation to the welfare of this child and when nan and pop are celebrating her 18th and she asks why their son doesn't care about her, he can just tell her, sorry I am not obligated to be a part of your life.
Well I just hope you or your husband never find yourself in this situation because it is not black and white. These are peoples lives and feelings, yes, she is five years old, yes, be honest with her. If that's what she's asking when she's 18 the truth is going to hurt he more then than it will now.
I am so with you
Well maybe you have no idea what its like to coparent in a toxic relationship, because it can be worse than not being there and this child is not his and this relationship is clearly been through something to get to this point. The fact his parents are in her life tells me theyre good people, and they will tell her we raised you when you were young ans we will always love you no matter that were not related by blood. And who knows maybe the father will be able to say the same by then although maybe he doesnt want to admit to that, its not something you expect to have to explain to your kid about their parents and past. Theres a lot of shades though you can not judge or tell them like its black and white.
In WA you can not have a DNA test unless both parties are consenting.
You go to court and get it done. His parents then wouldnt have any access to the child unless visits via the mother.
All these judgey people, this sounds like an awful mess and heartbreaking for the child, but its best to get it resolved now. Lying to her is never the best solution.
Wow what a mess! I hope it can all be sorted and the little girl recieves some counselling to help her process the loss of the only dad she ever knew.
Pleeease dont listen to anyone saying hes not a man etc etc im so appalled at how naive everyone is being
It is NOT his fault to want to dosconnect from his non biologocal child when he is no longer in the relationship and only now found out shes not his
It would be killing him inside to know she isnt his
But there is NOTHING that states it is his duty to keep being her parent
So i applaud him for being so brave!
To get all this hate and walk away is what is best for him and this girl
Imagine coming to the age of 18 and finding out your dad isnt your bio dad yet his not with your mum... how confusing is that!
He has no ties to this child yes he raised her for 5 years and to her he is "daddy"
But shes 5.... shes not going to remember him much by the time shes 18
Tell the dna father the truth he has a right to know
Unfortunately i have no advice about the rest of the process though i just wanted to post that im behind him 100%
If I were you I would leave this man. I have a 5 year old and if someone told me he wasn't biologically mine I would most definitely still want to keep.
How could someone raise a child until 5 and then just walk away? Sorry but if he is the type of persons that can do that then what type of a father would he be to your children. Maybe they won't be good at sport so he will leave them too.
I assume his parents are devestated by his behaviour and rightly so.
I cannot believe the nasty comments about the "father". The only person responsible for this mess and the confusion and loss this little girl will feel is the lying mother. Hope you both get it sorted and can move on.