My partners mother has been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and is approaching the end of life stage. He is seeing a counsellor and has grief support available to him. I am doing all I can to support him. He is understandably angry and doesn't have much to give anyone emotionally at the moment. Saying anything nice is a rare thing. Even asking a simple question will end up with me being snapped at, belittled, or criticised. I've tried staying silent and letting him to talk to me when he's ready, I've let him know I'm there for him if he wants to talk (even tried opening a dialog about it but that ended with me being in trouble). It's been two years since her initial diagnosis and my partners behaviour has gradually started escalate towards me. Instead of feeling like I'm supporting him, I feel like my very existence annoys him. Everyday he will say something hurtful or criticise me to the point where I am in tears. I know he is taking the anger out on me and I've told him he needs to stop doing it, yet it continues. I feel like I am out of options. Everyday I will check in on him emotionally and ask how is feeling and it's always met with a sarcastic response or snide remark back at me. I feel like I can't do anything right. Recently he has taken to making plans with me (his idea) to make up for the behaviour then standing me up when I get there. On the 5th time he has done this I asked for an apology and he refuses. I've tried being there, I've tried giving him space, I don't know what else to do.
3 Replies
Noooo I'm sorry your partner is going through this but that is no excuse for using you as his emotional punching bag!
Are there kids involved?
If not, I think you need to move out for awhile. He is treating you this way because you let him by staying.
What was he like before? If this behaviour is close to who he was before, then you need to consider if he is the right person for you. If not, go get your own counselling, look after yourself, and just be your normal self around him. Stop the molly coddling, try a bit of tough love, he may respond better to a boot up the arse.
Losing loved ones is a part of life. Sounds like he has no coping skills, is he currently receiving counseling? If not, tell him he has to get help, otherwise he might lose his wife as well
How immature, what a cop out. We are in similar position with my FIL. At no stage has my hubby taken anything out on me. Its never acceptable to treat your mate/best friend/lover poorly. If anything its a time for him to grow some balls and realise how important those close to you are. He sounds like he is full of excuses and you are allowing this to happen. You need to be stern and look out for the kids, they need positive role models at all times in life. Not just when your 10 ect. Bullying is a bully makeing others feel poorly for self worth. What a pig of a man.