I am struggling!!!
My 4 year old son is turning into an absolute nightmare!
Everyone (preschool teachers & family) tell me what an angel he is. He is perfectly behaved for them. He does as they ask, he doesn't throw tantis, he is literally perfect!
But for his Dad & I, it's a completely different story.
You say no, it starts a screaming tantrum.
Ask him to do something, it starts a screaming tantrum.
Tell him to go for a shower, it starts a screaming tantrum.
Absolutely anything, will start a screaming tantrum.
He used to be wonderful! I loved spending as much time as possible with my child. Now, all I want to do is cry. How can he be so good for everyone else & so horrible for me and his dad. It's mostly when his dad and I are together (as in, both in his company). If it's just him and I, he isn't too bad. If it's just him and his dad, he isn't too bad. I just don't understand. We are both struggling, we don't know what to do, to snap him out of it.
We have rewards charts, timeouts, he gets sent to his room to scream it out. Rarely does he get a smack, but in the last three days, he scored himself 4! Tried taking his things away from him. Nothing is working. Once the crap is over and done with, we sit him down and discuss his behaviour with him. He apologises & says he doesn't like being naughty because it makes him sad. But give it a day, even bloody hours, and the bad behaviour is back! We are sick of it!!!
The fact that he is good when it's one parent with him at a time, makes me wonder if it's easier to split up. That's how shit his behaviour has got me feeling/thinking. Please, I am already emotional, I really don't want any judgemental comments. Please, I am just looking for suggestions on how to deal with it & different forms of punishment/encouragement, to try and get him out of this.
4 year olds horrible behaviour at home!
4 year olds horrible behaviour at home!
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Kids
4 Replies
Buy yourselves sons ear plugs and let him scream it out. Don't pay any attention to him when he is screaming, don't discuss it between you when he does it. Just continue on doing whatever it is you guys were doing. But don't react. Be deadpan.
Initially it might get worse which is referred to as an extinction burst but then it will start to get better as he realises you aren't paying attention.
Once the tantrum is over, it's over and continue on like it never happened.
I heard that they get a testosterone surge around the 4 year mark..apparently can make them more aggressive and emotional
I went through this with my son, only he was 3. Was the perfect little angel for everyone else but turned into a nightmare with me. Was a single mum at the time. I ignored him, i ignored his screaming, ignored his tantrums, ignored his throwing of objects....i would without saying a word, carrying him kicking and screaming to his room and shut the door and let him scream it out. If he came out of his room and he was still feral, i continued to ignore him and would take him back to his room and shut the door. When he finally came out of his room and he was calm, i would then talk to him normally, i never made a fuss, never gave him a lecture, we just continued our day as normal. After a few weeks, there were no more tantrums. He is now almost 5 and has his odd sooky moments, but certainly no tantrums like he use to. Time and patience. Good luck
This is exactly my child. What happens is they put on a mask while out, they are perfect flawlessly, but whats happening is theyre keeping it all in and thats really hard work ans then as soon as theyre back with you (the safe place) bang, they unload.
And he apologises because he relaly doesnt want to do it. This is a meltdown not a tantrum . Hes emotionally overloaded. Overwhelmed. Which means his communication skills go, he snaps quicker, his reaction is bigger faster theres not much time for you or him to catch it and calm him.
You need to support him and give him coping strategies.
There are so many techniques to help him, I suggest seeing a psychologist to help you undertand whats going on. When you get it, things are much better.