This may not affect anyone and others may not understand and that's okay. But does anyone get upset for the career they never had?
For as long as I can remember I've always wanted a career as a Veterinarian. I had a plan; finish school, move closer to the university (was 1.5 hours away), and study for 5+ years.
But then life happened. At 17 I became a mum. I did finish my schooling and got the OP I wanted but... it wasn't an easy option to just get up and leave, with a child, no support being 1.5 hours away from family and no licence. So I made the decision to focus on working and building a life for my little family.
I'm now in my late 20's, life became busy but I always thought about the 'what if' scenario. Not all the time just when something triggered it (tv show, others careers, animals etc). So I thought, life is always going to be busy and change isn't always going to fit in life, let's see if it's doable.
So I gathered all the info regarding the degree, figured out how to get to the university etc. Drove from mine to the university, a good 1.5+ hours away (one way), 1-toll later and I finally get there. All I did was cry! Pure happiness cry. The scenery was perfect, stables/barns, animals and green grass everywhere. The smell of livestock poo was refreshing (weird, but true) and I already felt at peace. Finally figured out where to go, spoke to someone regarding the information, course and the attendance requirements. Drove around the campus, turned the aircon off and opened my window - fresh air. I felt at peace.
Then on my way home, I cried. I cried for the whole trip home. And it wasn't out of pure happiness. It was a reality check and knowing I had to let it go. And I was bloody disappointed.
All the negatives outweigh the positives and I had to still be a parent to my child. If I had chosen that, it would have significantly affected my parental responsibilities and finically impacted the basics.
Cons -
* University is a min 1.5 hours drive (3hours per day)
* 4.5 days a week studying on campus (PT isn't an option).
* 15 hours a week driving 20+ hours with peak hour traffic)
* 2x toll per day $5.00 each way.
* FT study load + would have to leave home before the sun and wouldn't get home until late at night (depending on study schedule for that week)
* Due to degrees intensity I was advised that the degree consist with traveling to other locations around QLD and I would have to be available to do that. Including staying in those locations (as financially traveling to and from those locations back home is not doable 'financially and time).
* Wear and tear on car + petrol
* I would have to quit my job and find a PT/casual job - we will be financially unstable (home loan, car repayments, schooling fees & activities etc).
* I would have to rely highly on other people for my child - not many available people to do so.
* 6+ years studying full time - I'm not worried about the length of time just the huge sacrifices which will include finances to fund me even attending uni, as I'll have to quit my job to achieve this and gov allowance will not be enough.
Pro:
* To be a qualified Veterinarian
* To feel complete - tick :)
* To help animals and support their owners in difficult times.
* Share awareness, teach others valuable skills and life lessons when it comes to animals.
* My love and dedication for animals are beyond words can express.
* I wanted to eventually have my own practice, possible on road etc
All I wanted was to be a veterinarian at a degree level, even to Masters qualification. I understand people will suggest certificates and diplomas, I agree, anything is better than nothing, but that would be still detouring me away from my dream career as an independent self-employed veterinarian.
18 months, it had taken me to move on from what I thought my life was meant to be like. Maybe it was a reality check, who knows. I had to let that go and focus on a more realistic career choice (realistic; child's settled & in high school, great family support, work, friends, shorter distance etc).
So now, I'm finally a university student ? and studying something I have a passion for - which is a bonus. 1-year in at uni, only 100 years to go ? jokes. And with this chosen degree it has not impacted us, what's so ever. Yeah, money is tight but I didn't have to give up work & I just catch public transport to uni.
Despite it all. I'm content with my choices, I still miss the fact I will not be in a good position to be able to be a veterinarian. But I'm slowly learning that it's okay, the choices I make now are impacting our lives for a better future.
Edit: I'm happy with my choices; family comes first. Quitting my job wouldn't have been an easy option and I'm happy choosing a more suitable degree closer to home.
7 Replies
Of course I've felt this way. Although I did get to work in my chosen field for awhile. I've been through this twice. Once in my 20s when I gave up a career as a dancer just as I'd started to gain traction. An oopsie pregnancy and I just couldn't hold on to my dancers physique and get back there.
Second and third time when I gave up my dream career, for my son when he became unwell. First time he was 14 years old, I managed to get back to work eventually but when he turned 19 I ended up as his carer again.
The last time was the hardest because I've recognised this time is forever.
There are SO many more pros, you're being too harsh. The qualified vet at the end of the day is just the icing on the cake, but you'll be happier, more confident, motivated etc. etc. Add some more to the list just to let you see :)
But congratulations on being a uni student and choosing a degree that works for you. Have you ever considered doing a diploma as opposed to a degree and working as an animal nurse instead of a vet?
I can definitely sympathise with you and know what you felt when you cried from happiness! All of my life I dreamt of being a police officer, it was my only goal in life. I was going to do semi-well in high school and then work full time for a while to gain life experience and then once I hit 21 apply to the force. I completed my work experience at 16 in the head offices in the city and absolutely loved every minute of my time. I spent 3 days at the police academy and got to see how it was all done, I visited the call centre, the mounted branch, went out on patrol in an undercover car (they now can't do ride alongs, so I was fortunate!!). It was honestly the best experience of my life.
And then I got diagnosed with a severe disease. It isn't really debilitating but there is no way I would ever be accepted into the police force. I am unfit to handle guns or exercise to the demand required at the academy. I don't meet half of their criteria anymore, I can't get doctors to sign me off. The only way I would be allowed to be in the force was if I was already a police officer and then was diagnosed with my disease because they would find an office job and accommodate me. But I have no way of qualifying. Ever.
I've tried dabbling at university twice to go into a different career but nothing will ever measure up to my dream. I have spent numerous days/weeks crying, suffering depression because I will never do what I truly want. I researched and researched to see if there was anything else close.
I found an alternative, a way to work semi in the force but not on the actual job (yet!). I was offered the position. But we were planning a family and it wasn't the right time with maternity leave. I was honest with them and told them why I was turning it down. I got an email back saying at any time feel free to contact them as they really would love to have a position for me. So, one day, once our family is complete and the kids are at school, I will be working my way towards that.
It has given me so much motivation, I love where I am working now but it isn't forever.. I know that but the days are so easy to get by because I know one day I will work exactly where I want to :)
My heart breaks for you xx as your dream was taken away. But listening to your story has given me hope, inspiration, and appreciation. I wish you the best of luck in your future. Including the position that has been offered to you, even after having your family they're keen to have you on board. I'm excited for you. How wonderful and within the force, you can always work your way up.
I wish you all the best & thank you :)
Yes study and careers are not equally available to everybody, there are many many boundaries that make it so much harder and just not possible for many of us. Going for a degree you can get is a great idea, it wont be easy but when you have a career you will feel great and not only that but youre laying foundations for your children to go on and achieve higher than you could
I went through the same thing last year. I have always been a huge animal lover and wanted to be a vet when I was out of school but I stupidly listened to my mum who said I would get too upset when putting down an animal, so with no other clear direction or guidance I went another path that had nothing to do with animals and I've always regretted my decision.
I looked into vet study again last year and it was just simply not doable. I have two kids now, a mortgage and my husband wanted to change careers too. Financially it was not possible. So I found another passion and have proceeded to study towards this and still change careers so I'm happy but still have regrets.
It's made me realise to encourage my children in what their interests are and that if they have a passion then go for it, to be honest it's better to realise your passion at a young age when you still have a small amount of responsibilities than doing it later in life. But I'm glad I just didn't continue with the career I fell into, I have no passion for it and I'm still working in it but studying towards the other career and cannot wait to finish and be qualified.
Original Poster here. I ended up studying a double degree in Social Work & Behavioural Science (Psychology).
Yes I have struggled with this all my life. The main problem for me was trying to find what career path was right for me. I tried a few pathways Navy, massage therapy and Uni but they didn't work out. I am 38 and still have not got any qualifications I feel inadequate at times like I have failed myself. Should of stayed in school, be better at maths and so. I hope next year is my year I am following my true nature in healing and spirituality. I hope in my case it's because my failures have redirected me on my true path