Hi fellow mums,
My fiancee and I have decided to call it quits after 3 years together. He wants to have kids and I don't want any more (1 daughter from ex-husband) and amongst a few other things, we have both agreed that despite loving each other, it's not enough to keep us going and we don't want to end up hating each other when it's all said and done with. Truthfully, I am so glad he brought it up because I have felt this way for awhile, but being that I am the only girlfriend he has had, I didn't know how to end it without hurting him and turning him into that heartbroken asshole that ends up hating and using woman for years (like my ex-husband).
After distancing myself over the last few months, he has come to the realization organically. He will truly make someone a wonderful husband one day and he deserves it; I'm so glad it has worked out this way.
As it stands, I am going to pay him a little less than half of our bills so that I can start saving for appliances and furniture in my own place. Given that I do have a daughter, he is willing to be as supportive as he can and help as much as possible so that I can get set up on my own down the road.
I have a decent paying job and have worked out my bills that I even have some savings but as most people, when it comes to food allowance, it's so hard to really nail a budget for it. Especially when I include household supplies like toiletries and cleaning stuff. Any single mums have any advice for really working out a budget on how to manage food/household supplies? And what kind of meals do you make for just you and your kiddo? This will be the first time her and I have just been the two of us on our own...but she is a very picky eater. No sauce, nothing mixed. Basically a small slab of meat and a few veggies or hot dogs, ravioli, and the usual shit that picky kids eat.
Also, any recommendations for how to keep the living situation amicable while we co-habitate? I know there is a big part of him that wants to stay in this together, but he seems to also understand it isn't going to work and this is for the best. I'm just worried that he has some false hope that I will change my mind; but at the same time, that means him giving up his desire for a child. I just want to try to keep things as normal and calm for my daughter, as well as for both of us without causing any undue resentment.
Thank you sisters.
3 Replies
I'm a single mum of a now 22 year old (with disabilities). He eats about twice what a normal adult man would eat due to medications. We spend around $150 a week on food. That includes cleaning products, toiletries and pet food.
We mix it up we eat stir fries, curries, pastas, sausages, rissoles etc. sometimes if I'm not feeling like cooking we do a roast and eat that over the week. Lots of veggies. Sometimes I cook up some slow cooker meals and freeze what we won't eat on the first night so I don't have to cook every night. I don't feel restricted by our food budget at all. If my son was a 6 year old it could be less, if he wasn't on his medication it would be less.
On the keeping things amicable, don't have sex with him. Don't even consider dating while you live with him.
I've seen it turn bad for friends when they start dating before theyve moved out or used there ex for sex.
Move out asap, then he knows it's done and over. But for now, do not sleep together, do not do things together.
I don't get why you've never lived as a single mum, did you go straight from your ex to living with this guy?
Sounds like you need to learn how to be on your own. Which is rather liberating I have found.
It'll be cheap as chips feeding just you and your daughter, especially if she's a plain eater. Make casseroles, soups or pasta dishes and put some in the freezer. Means you're still eating healthy but not having to cook every night