Hi imperfect mum's people say I'm up tight and no fun haha I am 22 years old have 3 young children I had my first at 18 I was never really a "party" person back when I was a teenager, even my partner says I need to loosen up a little I'm always so focused on my children and worrying if they are learning things every day that I can't seem to get out of the mum zone haha if that makes sense, what do I do?
3 Replies
Its not healthy to define yourself by your kids or to hyperfocus on your children. Its really not healthy for your kids. Spend that time focusing on yourself, your own happiness and development as an individual and a young adult and your kids will see you and follow your lead. Its a greater gift you can give them than hovering, helicoptering, living vicariously through them and making sure you see them 'learning' something. Do they ever see you learning something?
You say you're not a party person, but dont be defined by what youre not, what are you? What do you like? What are you good at? What do you do? (Other than mum/children!) put your time into that instead
Part of being a parent is raising well rounded adults. Part of being well rounded is relaxing and having fun. Your kids need you to relax.
Parents who read raise children who like to read. Parents who have hobbies raise children with hobbies. Kids learn by watching you and they learn through free play. Hovering stifles there ability to learn and be imaginative.
Entertaining them 24/7 isn't good for them either, kids need to learn that free time is a good and healthy thing.
Having your kids as your everything is not good. Kids leave home eventually and you will have a lot of time to fill. Start thinking about what else you'd like to do.
If you can get them minded overnight by grandma or someone you trust, then just 'be'. You don't have to go out, just learn how to be your own person again. Do it regularly then build up to a whole weekend and do things you can't do with kids around. It might be as simple as sleeping in, reading a book, watching porn, walking around naked, eating brekky at midday and definitely no housework or talking about kids during that time!!