I'm feeling really upset atm. I have a male friend who is going through so much hell. He has 2 children under 2 with his ex and she moved to the opposite side of Australia. She is giving him absolute hell. He's not allowed to see his kids yet he's paying all this child support. The youngest one doesn't have his last name, but the eldest does. She's now trying to change his last name so taking away the last thing connecting dad to his child. He spoke to a lawyer and apparently he has no rights. If he made her move back, he'd have to pay for his exs schooling and even more to support them. And because he's so young, she has a high chance of getting it changed
Right now, to his kids, he's a stranger.
His ex is putting him through so much grief and psychological issues, he's currently on antidepressants, seeing both a psychiatrist and psychologist. He even suggested taking his name off the kids birth certificate just so she can't hurt him anymore.
The costs of the lawyers is so much. Why do some mums do this? He is the nicest man but it's like she wakes up every morning to think of new ways to fuck with him and ruin his life. He would love to be in his kids life part time, just to be able to see them even just a couple times a month and let them know who he is. He would never take them away from mum either. He just wants to know his children. My heart breaks so much for him. I'm trying to support him everyway I can
This is a place where women from different backgrounds, cultures and beliefs come together to support one another judgement free.
10 Replies
It's such a shame that it is happening to him. Food for thought though, is there a reason she moved so far away from him that you not be aware of? Something behind the scenes. For all of that to be happening with a lawyer involved it sounds like there's more to the story. On the other hand, some people just like to be downright c u next tuesday's and ruin other people's lives :(
If he wants to see his kids he might have to go to court, sad but true. There might be more to the story that you don't know. I'm pretty sure you can't just change last names either.
If he doesnt sign the form she cant change the name its that simple.
if he goes to court even without a lawyer I cant imagine them giving him no visitation at all, unless hes done something truly horrendous to them. Even abusers get supervised visits.
why is he saying he has no rights and should take hisname off? (That would definitely give him no rights) seems he may be thinking fuzzy or playing the victim.
He has rights, he's just not exercising them. It's a fact, she can't change the name without his permission and what about mediation, it doesn't cost much if anything. Has he attended mediation? He needs to do this first before considering court at all. Is he able to move
over there (I know it's not fair on him to have to do that, but if it was my child, I would be there in a heart beat)? Also, he can self represent in court, many people do and have been successful. He may not be in the right frame of mind to take any action with his mental health issues, I would encourage him to get that taken care of and them move forward in gaining custody. Assure him at this point that he does have options in the future but he just can't see it due to his depression.
Um that lawyers advice contradicts a lot of things I've been told by lawyers.
I'd be getting legal advice from elsewhere. It's incredibly difficult to get a child's name changed through the courts, the courts don't like doing it.
I've never heard of a dad having to pay an exes schooling costs and more support because she had to move back! Perhaps he isn't paying as much as he should be paying after all?
If he is in a low income he will be entitled to legal aid. Yes lawyers are expensive but it sounds like either the lawyer is giving him some bum advice, or your friend doesn't really understand what he was told, or is telling you not accurate info.
Yes lawyers are expensive but people find a way and people self represent everyday. If all he wants is visits then he can organise that threw the courts or mediation.
Just to ad, removing his name from the birth certificate, which the courts won't do, won't remove his obligation for CS.
Well that lawyer is either wrong or your friend isn't telling you the full story....the law is children have a right to a meaningful realtionship with both parents.
Unless there is a reason that puts the child's health, safety or wellbeing at risk, the child has a right to be in both parent's lives.
Confused as to why she was able to move without his consent on it in the first place considering my brother was going to have to go through the same thing when his ex wanted to move with their 2 kids to W.A. And also when she wanted to move out of the country all together.
I just want to say things may not seem as you've been told.
I've been on both sides.
The side believing everything that was told and supporting and trying to help him every way I can to be part of his other children's lives while he whinged about how unfair it was but did nothing at all to help the situation. I did it all!
Now I'm on the other side trying to protect my innocent child. I always tried to be the fair person even picked up for visits as he lost his licence for drink driving for him to be drunk threaten me and started saying things to our daughter which was upsetting her to the point she was wetting her pants scared etc.
I've stopped contact and it was a hard decision but the best one possible for my child's best interests.
Just remember you probably don't know all the facts and reasons behind it.
I now feel guilty being the person that made the ex feel like her children were on danger again. I believed she was a horrible horrible person but now I'm out I couldn't be more sorry to her. I wish I could let her know just how sorry I am for judging her when I didn't know that facts of there relationships and I had things in front of me that I should have believed!
Red FLAGS everywhere! The "nicest guy" comment was the first one! You may well be deLing with an individual who's conning and fooling you and fabricating who he actually is, by wearing a mask. what these distorted individuals want most, is other people's sympathy to feed them attention. They get a HIT from lying and hood winking others and you seem to have fallen hook, line and sinker for, what could actually be, a fabricated "poor me, I'm the victim" story so may abusers tell. Do yourself a favor and Google NPD traits and sociopath traits and make sure this individual doesn't fit the bill. If he does, RUN! They are damaging, vindictive users.
Red FLAGS everywhere! The "nicest guy" comment was the first one! You may well be deLing with an individual who's conning and fooling you and fabricating who he actually is, by wearing a mask. what these distorted individuals want most, is other people's sympathy to feed them attention. They get a HIT from lying and hood winking others and you seem to have fallen hook, line and sinker for, what could actually be, a fabricated "poor me, I'm the victim" story so may abusers tell. Do yourself a favor and Google NPD traits and sociopath traits and make sure this individual doesn't fit the bill. If he does, RUN! They are damaging, vindictive users.