Hi all
I'm a single mum to a beautiful little girl who is 18 months. It has become very hard to cope with everything. I am becoming so tired and i can't handle her tantrums, she is always happy with my family but when it's just me she just becomes sooky and wants me all the time. I can't get anything done. Sometimes I just feel like going outside and crying but i don't want her to see me like that. Everyday is different tho we do have our good day's could she be like this because she picks up on my moods, I also suffer from Depression and Anxiety and have for ten years or more. I love my little girl more than anything i just feel like I'm failing as a mum am i doing the right thing and that sought of thing, she is at daycare twice a week. what tips can I do to help me and my little girl.
What to do
What to do
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Parenthood Guilt
3 Replies
Firstly speak to your mental health practitioner about how you feel about the situation.
In my experience toddlers have clingy days and they have un clingy days. They usually are happy and settled with other people because those people tend to cater to the child's every whim because they are baby sitting, so can catch up on housework etc when the child goes home.
I found in the toddler years it was impossible to get stuff done and found I did everything on daycare days.
If there are particular activities your daughter is happier and more settled in, do those. I found my toddler was happiest in the stroller being out and about, so I did as much as I could of that. I found generally being out for us was much much pleasanter.
Definitely get support for your mental health and try to get your family to help in a structured way, say looking after your girl one morning/afternoon a week. Even just two hours while you have a sleep would be great. On the days she's in daycare do nice things for you, don't try to be superwoman and clean the house etc, it can wait. When you have your daughter, do fun things together like going to the park, reading books, whatever. She might be less clingy if she spends some quality time with you every week. I also have a very full on 18m old and my husband works away, so it's just me quite a lot of the time. Recently I've found he likes the iPad. Screen time isn't great, I know. But I can put him in front of it when I make dinner, have a shower etc and he is happy. Sometimes we just have to do what it takes to survive on a day to day basis without completely losing the plot. I can't imagine how hard it must be being a single mum. You have my complete respect.
Routine will be your savior and hers. Set times for breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and dinner. Naps on schedule too whether one or two a day.
A month ago I was you. A month ago I couldn't figure it out. Then I chatted to the daycare staff, changed our after daycare routine and it feels like we're in sync. She will have days where she needs you more. She will have days where she's off kilter. She will still be experiencing leaps (google wonder weeks) and add teething plus the more she realises how big the world is the more she will cling to you as her safe space. Ironic isnt it? That the more they can explore the closer they want to keep you?
Mostly it sounds like you need to give yourself a break. Take one of her daycare days to go and do something that helps you relax. And keep doing it routinely.
We go for exploring walks, play at the park and build sandcastles, do painting at home, lots of reading, lots of silly games and lots of cuddles. Its hard work but it can be done.
My daughter also helps out with chores around the house, helping put away toys, helping feed the dog, putting rubbish in the bin (I tear up paper or shred a page of a catalogue if I really need 10 minutes lol). Little stuff she can do with lots of encouragement and praise.
Mostly just take a minute and breathe. When shes crying give her a cuddle, you'll both feel so much better for it! Feel free to pm me anytime you like if you need someone who is right there with you. Good luck mumma, you can do this and you rock